Review of The Wicker Man (2006) by Joeb. — 01 Sep 2006

A phenomenal achievement in awfulness. It's actually hilariously awful. First off...Nicholas Cage must now have made it to the finals in the Over-Emoting Category in his acting class. Wearing new hair plugs and with a face that has been lifted so many times his pinned back ears seem to be straining to touch in the back he oozes not only a sick smarmiess but creates a "hero" character that you have no vested interest in.

I've enjoyed LaBute's early films and a few of his plays...but it's a strange fascination he has. I'd give this film a 2 out of 10 solely based on Ellen Burstyn's performance.

[***SPOILERS***] By the time she finally makes her appearance (bravely soldiering through her scenes with her wig line clearly visible on her forehead) it seems like all hope may be lost. She deserves an Oscar right here and now for saying her lines with a straight face and when she appears wearing a white mumu and blue, white, and gold face paint booming about The Wicker Man you know that working with Scorcese and Friedkin really prepped her for this role dang well.

This movie is so wrong-headed and cuckoo that is has to be seen to be believed. Highlights include: Nicholas Cage running away from a swarm of bees and then falling down a hill. Nicholas Cage stealing a bicycle and looking like Ms.

Gulch from The Wizard of Oz riding around on it. Nicholas Cage running around the island kicking down doors looking for the missing girl. Leelee Sobieski PLUMMETING from a once-promising acting career in a "brawl" with Cage.

Ellen Burstyn dancing around in a said while mumu. Nicholas Cage screaming "Who burned it? Who burned it? Who burned it?Who burned it?Who burned it?Who burned it?" for no reason. Nicholas Cage in a bear costume (I'm not kidding) running through the woods, taking off the costume (but leaving the bear feet on) and then doing some karate moves to some villains.

And you haven't lived until you have seen the final 15 minutes of the movie and its dreadful epilogue that looked like it was shot yesterday in your cousin's basement. Needless to say, if you can make it through this film without laughing out loud then you deserve a medal.

There was actually a point in the movie where I stopped snickering to wonder if maybe this wasn't an elaborate send-up of "hysteria" films...only to be reminded when Cage would scream/shout/whisper his dialogue that he really was taking himself quite seriously.

I think this one is destined to be a cult film all over again...just because it's so dreadful.