Review of The Visit (2015) by Ilearnedenglish — 14 Sep 2015

The Visit set in today is The Blair Witch Project structured with Wal-Mart stupidity. The movie finally opened after ten extra minutes of horror previews and my first thought please don’t be another The Blair Witch Project. Really The Visit is much worse….

At some point during the movie the mother of the two main characters, the children, refers to herself as a Wal-Mart employee. She puts her kids on an Amtrak train by themselves to go stay with her supposedly two elderly parents whom she has not seen in 20 years. It’s like unloading and stocking the wrong Wal-Mart truck then someone realizes six days later the truck didn’t even go to that store. Someone send IMS out to count every item on the shelf. Seriously!

Pay attention to the girl’s video introductions with each grandparent after they get off the Amtrak. It doesn’t sound right.

Learned stocking stands out. We see the kids hide the camera, but where do the elderly people have cameras hid?

What stands out even more is the double play on both big and small business. What looks like a mom and pop cookie shop turns in our minds to the evil empire as the children’s mother turns out to be a Wal-Mart employee and mom and pop have really taken over. The old man said they had to get out of here and that the man across the street was looking at him then the old man attacks the younger, smaller man; the same thing big business does. In the end we see how a couple young teenagers overcome both big and small business through the use of internet, cameras, and video editing.

Product placement and marketing hides in this movie. Nearly every verse the boy raps refers to a product or service-“ho” or should I say Katy Perry. Depends, herbal essence, baking aisle, bakery, electronics, damaged goods discount, bakery, cigarettes, water, seasonal (costume party), softlines (scarf, yellow sweater, jackets), sporting goods (gun), furniture (rocking chair), oven cleaner… Does anyone notice that the oven is built like an easy bake oven in the toy department? Who cleans an oven with a sponge? Who uses oven cleaner on electronics?

Sex! The old man has no sex drive. This may be why he dislikes the boy because the boy is the only person in the movie who has a real sex drive. The old woman obviously has some mental, sexual issues. After checking out the girl while she is cleaning the oven the old woman suddenly wants to star in the girl’s documentary. The old woman claws at a door naked in the middle of the night outside the children’s bedroom and bangs a door open and closed like she wants some **** Not to mention she checks out the girl a second time while the girl cleaning the oven. Then there is the end like yeah freaking right. How many times can the **** hook the bed?

Reference to World War II include the train ride to the concentration camp, the oven, and all the fighting because of a family fight.