Review of The Untouchables (1987) by Ryan H — 14 Feb 2011

"All right! Enough of this running shit!" -Sean Connery.

I was only entertained because I had people in there to laugh at the movie with me. But honestly, it would have been painful watching it alone. It all starts with a title card that lasts too long, and the rest of the film they treat the audience like they are stupid. Every single little thing has to be thrown in your face. I admit, there are some cool shots, and I like the way the put Al Capone's scenes and the family scene back to back, but it was too over the top. Mamet is usually a strong writer even though he lacks subtlety, but this was like he didn't even do any research. The trial scene had the judge saying random things that you would expect like "order!" and then the lawyer simply says "I object" and the judge says "I'll allow it!" Basically, Mamet was saying that he couldn't treat the audience like they know anything. I thought the POV of going into Sean Connery's house was suspenseful, until I clearly saw the camera in the reflection on the window. Then we have such an amazing character, Al Capone, who could have so much done with him. Instead we get "you wanna fight me?" No, this isn't some kind of symbolized fight between the two that happens off screen, but literally they are about to get in a fist fight. And how long does Costner's character need to see the crying baby and the struggling mother until he decides to help her? Seriously, we know he's going to do it. DePalma also needs to realize how to create suspense through dramatic irony and creating stupid characters. Every time Costner's character was looking for someone I didn't feel excitement, I laughed at how he could not realize what was so obvious. He gets shot at on the roof, and keeps looking around like he has no idea where it came from even though he had been chasing the guy for 5 minutes. The music was a hilarious mixture of classic gangster and cheesy 80s beats. It might have worked for what they were going for, but I just have no idea what they were going for. I just have to stop here, I could go on and on. But seriously, how is this movie so loved? Is it supposed to be painfully bad?