Review of The Uninvited (2003) by Cj C — 06 Oct 2010

I won't attempt a full review of this scattershot, incoherent movie. Instead, I'll just list some adjectives that describe it.

Ponderous. Pretensious. Slow. Flat. Boring. Tedious. Lame. Incomprehensible. Long. Coma-inducing. Talentless. Poorly edited. Poorly acted. Awful. Forgettable. Horrendous. Pointless. Lugubrious. Depressing. Fragmented.

Well, I could go on. "The Uninvited" certainly does. It goes on and on and on and on as the cast stare into space and deliver lines in hushed monotones. And the ghosts? Brief scenes involving them at a couple of points in the movie, but mostly it thinks it's about mental illness and isolation. What it's really about is a textbook example of a director who tries to be Ingmar Bergman and winds up looking a lot more like Ed Wood with a hangover.

If you want the experience of watching this film, you will need a tortoise, some dental floss, and an olympic-sized swimming pool filled with cold molasses. Give the tortoise some valium. Tie one end of the dental floss to your toe and the other end to the tortoise. Now, jump into the pool and feel the thrill as the tortoise drags you sloooooooooooowly through the cold molasses.

Don't bother inviting "The Uninvited" into your home. It will stay too long and bore the hell out of you.