Review of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010) by Mark — 21 Aug 2010

I've just started to write a script which will make me millionaire. Here's the recipe; dig out a few Mills & Boon romantic trash novels (3 in all), re-write the romantic hero as a cutesy-wootsey werewolf, who upon the sight of a full moon enjoys to nothing more than to roll-over and have his belly tickled.

Enter the romantic anti-hero who doesn't admire having his belly tickled so much, but rather prefers gnawing at a butcher's bone and terrifying stray kittens of an evening. Let one cute human, kitten-owning teen to be a the centre of a love triangle between said doe-eyed-beasties.

Put together a cast of good-looking young people to populate the families, friends and townsfolk of this fictional village. Don't let any of the protagonists kiss until the very last 10 minutes of the final movie in order to maintain a high level of suspense among the female, pre-teen audience.