Review of The Transporter (2002) by Adam F — 14 Aug 2014

So Bad it's good rating: 4/5.

"The Transporter" is riddled with plot holes, nonsensical scenes and action clichés but to its credit, it is consistently entertaining. The main character is Frank, played by Jason Statham. He's a transporter, a mercenary that gets you from point A to point B or transports whatever you need moved for the right price. No questions, no weapons. He's cold, he's professional, he's always on time. He's a badass ex-soldier (aren't they all?) that knows martial arts and drives like no one else can. He strictly follows three rules when pulling a job: "Never change the deal", "No names" and "Never open the package". After helping a bunch of bank robbers get away (which is so easy for him he almost looks bored doing it), Frank gets hired to deliver another package. On his way to the delivery though, he discovers that the package is a woman, bound and gagged, stuffed in a duffel bag, but very much alive. Regardless, he delivers the package as promised, only to be double-crossed by the people who hired him. Meeting up again with the woman (Shu Qi as Lai Kwai), the two of them warm up to each other and join forces in order to take down the big baddie.

This is another one of those action movies where the protagonist is supposed to be an anti hero, but he isn't really. Sure Frank is totally unresponsive when people are killed around him and he doesn't care at all that he's helping criminals get away with all sorts of crimes but he's got soft side you see. As soon as he sees Lai in trouble he can't help himself and has to help her out. Ok, he doesn't do it immediately, but that's because he's too busy screwing up his own code of ethics (by opening the package) to do so. There's also a scene later in the film where he takes down two police officers and takes them hostage, but he's really nice and kind to them. Shouldn't he be some kind of stone-cold killer? Or is he expecting these two cops to just give him a pass on the whole kidnapping and assault thing because he bought them a couple of Pepsis at the gas station? When it comes to the villains they're even worse. The villain we see the most of is played by Matt Schulze and the actor does a decent job playing him. The problem is that this guy is one mustache twirl away from tying up Lai to some railroad tracks while laughing maniacally. He's the kind of guy that keeps a harem of sexy bikini babes to frolic in his pool and likes to handle problems personally, with his fists despite the fact that he has an army of goons at his disposal. Far worse than this is the fact that once again we're given one of those bad guys that throws away his minions willy-nilly and kills them whenever they fail in a mission. Considering that Frank tends to avoid killing people and prefers to just incapacitate them, "Wall Street" here must have been up all night yelling "You have failed me for the last time!" while shooting his own employees and disposing of the bodies. I will give praise to the side characters though. Lai is very charming as a woman that's over her head but still manages to keep her cool enough to be useful. Qi Shu also has some pretty good chemistry with Jason Statham so while the minor romance element of the film kind of comes out of nowhere, it doesn't feel artificial because they really seem to like each other. François Berléand as Police Inspector Tarconi is also a lot of fun. You can tell that this guy knows Frank is up to no good but respects him and chooses not to really interfere as long as no one gets hurt because if they sat down and had coffee, they would probably end up being friends.

Even for an action film, the plot of "The Transporter" is riddled with plot holes. There are so many that at times it actually becomes distracting. For example, we learn early on that Frank never uses his real name when talking to his clients. How is it then that the bad guys arrive at his house after he botches the job by opening the package? When they arrive, you assume that these guys' objective is to kill Frank, since they bring in a ton of weapons, proceed to completely annihilate his house by shooting over 5,000 rounds of ammo at the place and blasting it to smithereens with not one, but three rockets. But why the extravagant display of firepower? Couldn't they just wait until he was asleep and shoot him? It just seems like these guys were more concerned with being cinematic than effective. You have to give credit to Frank when this rocket attack comes along though. He has not one, but two scuba suits tucked away in his basement for an underwater escape. Maybe this kind of thing happens so often to him that he keeps a spare just in case he's entertaining guests while an unhappy client comes back. The more you get into the plot, the worse it gets. When Frank first delivers the package to its destination, he's given a suitcase by the villains. This suitcase ends up being a way to tie up loose ends on their part and is meant to get rid of Frank. No names exchanged, the package gets delivered, a mercenary goes missing, no big deal. But wait, that's not the case. When asked about this, Schulze's character tells Frank that the reason he tried to kill him was because he "opened the package". That means this guy just keeps handy suitcases full of explosives in case he needs to get rid of someone. That's just nutty. To keep going with the action clichés, this is a movie where the "Hollywood Ninja Rule" really applies. If you're not familiar with this made-up rule, it basically boils down to the fact that in all Hollywood movies, a ninja (or other martial-art combatant) gets significantly less effective in combat the more of them are on the screen. When Frank is fighting seven or eight guys, he hardly ever takes a hit but when it's a one-on-one duel between him and one other guy, then he's in trouble.

Now that I think of it, Frank never wears a mask, so how has he gotten away with being involved in all of these heists? It's not that I'm saying Frank would get caught on camera, it's that the people that hire him would. Surely the bumbling robbers we see at the beginning of the film would have fingered Frank as their driver when they got caught in an effort to get less jail time. Even though they don't have his name, we know that Inspector Tarconi suspects Frank already, so surely he could put two and two together? I'm saying this because these people in the film have absolutely no reason to trust each other. Why? Because when these idiots get into the car and Frank refuses to drive because the number of passengers has changed (one extra) and he refuses to alter deals on the go, the leader of the thieves just goes and kills a team member to lighten the load. Even worse, the other guys don't even flinch! Because these characters are never mentioned again after they are caught, I have to believe that none of these guys tried to cut a deal with the police. That's just ludicrous.

If I keep pointing out the nonsense in this movie we'll be here all day so let me take a break from that and tell you what works here. As I mentioned, the two protagonists have good chemistry and play off each other well. There's also Tarconi who has some good moments and some villains that while they are ridiculous, are a lot of fun to see get beaten up. The stunts and action sequences are very well done and creative. Two particular highlights for me are the fight between Frank and a small army of minions in a yard full of big truck containers. The narrow space makes the fight seem exciting and believable when Frank takes them down and there are some really creative uses of the setting. I also really enjoyed a scene of combat where Frank is fighting in a bus garage. There's grease all over the floor and all over his body so everyone is slipping and sliding around. It's goofy but really works and quite thrilling. I have to say that when it comes to martial arts, Jason Statham delivers pretty much every time. Sometimes, the questionable actions of the characters also help make this movie just a fun experience to sit back and watch. I didn't really care that Frank came busting into a room full of armed guards without a plan because what they did with that scene had me cheering. Those bad guys got what they deserve... a lesson printed on the underside of Frank's boot!

For all of the moments that leave you scratching your head, this movie does boil down to a fun, but dumb action movie. As a first entry in a trilogy, there's a lot of potential here if the characters we've come to like return in the sequels and it keeps delivering on the action and spectacle of seeing things get blowed up real good. Yeah we've got scenes where villains can just teleport to a spot where they can attack Frank, but that means we get more excitement so it isn't that bad. If you're a fan of dumb martial arts or action movies I think you'll have a good time with it and even if you're not, on a day where you just don't want to think and wish to be entertained, this would really hit the spot. (Theatrical version on Dvd, October 29, 2013).