Review of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) by Thequietgamer — 18 May 2019

Deliverance meets The Hills Have Eyes in this sicker, meaner remake of Tobe Hooper's 1974 classic. It misses the point of the original as so many of the things that movie gets praised for aren't in this one. There's not even any indication that the Hewitt's are cannibals in this version. Yet if you're a sucker for gore and grime there's still a decent time to be had here. You just have to deal with some pacing issues.

Things don't really get going until the extended chase sequence, which covers a wider variety of locales this time around. Until then it's just watching the five survivors ignore the incredibly obvious signs that something isn't right and getting subjected to acts of increasing cruelty. The events are so disgusting and sadistic that the whole thing feels more like a torture porn flick than a slasher film.

Let me tell you, the protagonists here are some real dummies. On top of the aforementioned inability to pick up on how sketchy their situation is, a few of them apparently have the attention spans of squirrels with ADD. Regularly getting distracted from their task of finding one another to poke around in places that don't make sense. Like how at one point a guy stops looking for his missing buddy and decides to scan the potential killer's refrigerator instead.

When all is said and done this is little more than a pointless, mean-spirited, and brainless bit of savagery. Watching people get tormented by backwoods psychopaths still has its appeal however. It's far from scary, but could very well make you wince and gag. Plus, even at its dullest it's more energetic than the original. Making it a fine alternative should you want a more lively take on the premise with an extra layer of filth added on top.