Review of The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023) by Dismuth — 13 May 2023

This movie feels more like a theme park ride than a movie. Mario goes from one location to the next with no regard for the viewers actually taking in anything around him. It felt so unbelievable rushed and stilted that it feels like I could have written a better movie. They don't ever try to explain anything because nobody actually cares about what's happening. Why does bowser want to marry Peach? Why is Peach the only human in this world and how is she there? What is the star and why aren't there multiple of them? You don't need to know because Donkey Kong is on the screen and that's all that matters.

The only positive moment I got was from the plumbing advertisement at the beginning of the movie. The voice acting was non-existent. The voice actors read out their lines with no regard for the accents or inflections I would expect from the characters. The most egregious example was Bowser, since he sounds only like Jack Black yelling. He was a good singer in the movie, but that is expected from him since he's the singer for Tenacious D. The music was pretty good considering how easily they could have ruined the original Mario soundtrack. The movie looks so over-saturated that it is insulting to the eyes at some points. It really wants you to know it is an animated movie because everything is so unnaturally smooth and bright.

This movie is an unsurprising disappointment for anyone who isn't going only for the nostalgia trip.