Review of The Sitter (2011) by Ryan M — 16 Jul 2012

* out of ****.

David Gordon Green's "The Sitter" is so foul, so banal, and so just plain lame that it comes as a great shock to me that the man behind the helm once made a movie as good as 2003's "George Washington". What is decidedly less surprising is the fact that a film this bad was written by a duet of first-time screenwriters, Brian Gatewood and Alessandro Tanaka. I'm guessing that Green probably read the script and saw a lot of opportunity; but missed just about every crucial note in the process of bringing it all to the screen. There's plenty of material here that could have made for a half-decent flick, but instead it feels like another retread of older, better comedies dealing with either similar subject matter or a similar style. Comedy is a genre that I value oh so dearly because, not gonna lie, I really like a good laugh. "The Sitter" at least supplies a couple; but there's a really big fucking difference between something that's sporadic and something that's actually moderately clever. You'll find none of the latter here.

Noah (Jonah Hill), a semi-likable college dropout, takes a babysitting job for a family friend when his mother - with whom he still lives with - wishes to spend the night out with the parents of the kids so that maybe she can hook up with a new man (the father is absent, although who the hell knows what happened exactly). When Noah arrives on the doorstep of the house, he's welcomed by Mrs. Pedulla's jiggling breasts, provoking her to request that they "bring it in for a hug, man". Then he meets the kids; problem child Slater (Max Records), aspiring club dancer and dress-up enthusiast Blithe (Landry Bender), and the psychopathic adopted child Rodrigo (Kevin Hernandez) who we first see wielding a firecracker in his bedroom.

They seem like ordinary, innocent kids; although the film assures us that indeed they are not. When Noah's girlfriend Marisa (a spectacularly uninteresting Ari Graynor) asks him to meet her at a party to have sex but only if he promises to score her (or, as she says, a friend of hers) some cocaine; Noah is intent on leaving the house and the children end up coming with him in Mr. Pedulla's red van. First, he's told to meet with the drug dealer Karl (Sam Rockwell), who then turns on Noah when Rodrigo steals and wastes an entire painted dinosaur egg filled with the good stuff. Afterwards, the car is stolen and Noah must worry about that too. But will he take back the night before the nightmare envelops him completely? And will he woo yet another woman from his past with his nice-guy charms?

I saw the trailers (both Red and Green Band) for "The Sitter" a while back and decided that it looked at least somewhat funny, regardless of how raunchy it also seemed. I'm not one to judge a film based on just how far it goes with its filthy mouth; but I am one to decide whether it becomes something genuinely funny through all the vulgarity present. Anything that you saw and laughed at in the trailer(s) is essentially everything. There are zero surprise chuckles to be found here; although the ones unfortunately spoiled in the trailer are just as effective as ever, with Rodrigo - of course - getting the most laughs with his pyromaniac personality.

So if it's a comedy with a few big laughs...why am I not giving it more credit? Because this film is crooked and mean-spirited; and I'd be completely fine with that if it weren't for the unnecessarily rapid pacing - which demolishes any chance for character development or even decent time to set up the premise - and the amount of jokes - racist, homophobic, and an opening sequence depicting Hill performing oral sex on his character's girlfriend - that simply fall flat. Like all movies of its kinds, "The Sitter" tries it's hardest to have a heart; but as we all know, only a select few movies like this can succeed in having one. Nothing about this film screams "entertaining". I don't even find it passable as disposable escapism. There's nothing special about it, and there isn't even an attempt to be different, so why should I give it props? There isn't a single likable character here; although I would be going too far if I said they were all unrealistic. But why would I want to watch a movie about the assholes in which there are not necessarily any bad guys; just indecent, annoying frat boys and foul-mouthed little kids. That's not my idea of "fun" these days, although if it's yours; then eh, have at it.