Review of The Shape of Water (2017) by Bungle M — 14 Feb 2018

Jesus H, that was the most bizarre film I think I've ever watched. It was like a mix between Amelie and Beauty and the Beast, which might be acceptable, at least, were it not for the fact that a) the beast looked like a mutant lizard fish out of predator, b) Amelie didn't have the good sense not to have intercourse with it, three times c) we were reliably informed by the lead actress (who had to use hand gestures because she couldn't speak) that the predator's 'funangulator' sprouted from behind its pelvic bone.

Call me over imaginative, but a 'funangulator' sprouting from a space more commonly designated (in humans) for a female's 'trunundular' is surely never going to be pretty, heaven forbid 'sexy'?! If you can magnanimously put the beastiality that gradually blossoms between these two creatures to one side - which, call me old fashioned, never seemed to quite go away (but rather kept haemorrhaging, perhaps in syncopation with the beasts throbbing funangulator) - I don't think I can say I've ever watched a film that has moved me so violently back and fore between gripping humanity to such disturbing depravity so quickly within the space of two hours in my entire life.

It was like experiencing life with a split personality disorder. I couldn't watch the grizzly bits either, but it was clearly a powerful movie and well acted. My only wish would be to see some of the outtakes of the actors describing the funangulator.

It must have caused a few laughs; if not made them question whether anything in the film was 'right'? America concerns me sometimes. How did they even..? Ugh.