Review of The Scorpion King (2002) by Ben L — 07 May 2009

This isn't an action movie, it's an adventure movie - which means that its inherent stupidity isn't the kind of stupidity you'd expect from a movie with The Rock. The appeal isn't in nonstop action sequences but in the kind of gloriously cliche plot developments that move the film forward as the hero's journey unfolds.

There's an evil king, a hardened warrior, a spunky babe with whom he matches wits, an annoying but funny sidekick, etc., etc. I might even say that this movie is more clever than its companion, "The Mummy".

True, The Rock's presence may bring it down a few IQ points, and a Mesopotamian warrior is obviously less classy than a 1920's archaeologist. But "The Mummy" would never have had the brains to make witty Bible references or pull off the tightly-plotted climax of "The Scorpion King".

Without a doubt, The Rock is the weakest part of the movie (his perfectly-plucked eyebrows and toothpaste-commercial teeth don't exactly scream 1000 B.C.). A handful of one-liners also fall flat, but at least the movie doesn't pretend to be even vaguely accurate - it's just a high-octane escapist fable.

Hey, nobody ever fact-checked the Lay of Gilgamesh either.