Review of The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006) by Tr1Ckst3R — 10 Jun 2022

*clears throat*.

*sings...*.

It's not ok, ok, it's unwelcome,.

The worst thing that you'll ever see!

Well anyway, anyway, it's unwelcome,.

Like Charlie Brown's crumbling Christmas tree!

All kidding aside, this movie was a monumentally unwelcome end to an originally promising series. To be honest, it never even should have continued to become a series, for the sad, coal-filled stocking of a second installment completely discarded everything that made the first one so charming. Filming a third was just adding insult to injury, and it was clear that the actors were just doing it for a paycheck at this point. The comedy was juvenile at best, and overused at worst; the flatulent animatronics were just plain atrocious, and the ex-wife and in-laws were flat pieces of cardboard, fully equipped with unfunny and clearly-trying-too-hard humor. The reel of bloopers during the end credits was the funniest thing about this shoddy, underdeveloped piece of reindeer dung; it might be worth it to turn it on, skip through the entire movie, and just watch the end segments for some real laughs. Scott Calvin/Santa Clause was reduced to a bumbling idiot who couldn't see what was happening right before his very eyes, and his wife? Well... All she did was sulk, and genuinely suck. The elves sounded like a bunch of kindergarteners, and lost all of the charm and humor that they had in the first film. The acting was cringe-worthy and painful to watch, especially the final scenes which come together (in my mind, at least) to create one of the WORST movie conclusions ever. In simpler terms, leave it IN the past, but OUT of the history books. The only thing that was (seldom) entertaining about this hunk of crusty fruitcake was Martin Short's performance as Jack Frost. (Way to go, Short.) His antics were moderately enjoyable, and the character's narcissistic tendencies were cringe-worthy, sure, but still chuckle-inducing. My advice, just watch the parts where he comes in and screws up everything that the other actors and producers tried so little to create. In conclusion, trudging through a blizzard with nothing on besides your undergarments would be more fun than watching this movie from beginning to end (without taking my advice). So, if you decide to ignore all this and put the thing on for family movie night: kids, don't bother buckling up, for this is the slowest, dumbest, and saddest ride you'll ever experience. Teens, don't bother watching it. Just don't. And adults, don't forget to grab your sleeping mask and some earplugs. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy falling asleep to the worst Christmas movie you'll never bother watching.