Review of The River Murders (2011) by Philip J — 09 Apr 2012

A naked woman is found dead floating in the river. Detective Jack Verdon (Ray Liotta) has been called to the scene to investigate the grisly killing. Detective Verdon acknowledges that he knew this victim and at one point, had a close relationship with her. Because of this, Verdon's superior, Captain Langley (Ving Rhames) has advised the detective that he could very well be a potential suspect and therefore he has to be placed on administrative leave until he is cleared as a suspect. In the meantime, several more dead bodies are piling up.

What is the mystery that binds the victims together? There are a few clues as to who this killer is. One, he is clearly a religious zealot, as he leaves passages from the Bible at the scene of each murder. Second, his other calling card is placing a ring inside each female victim's private parts. Third, and most shocking, all of these victims shared a past connection with the detective. The detective, who brags that he has slept with "a hundred" women or so, had a dating or sexual relationship with all these victims.

Because of the serial nature of these murders, the FBI is getting involved. The agent assigned to this case is Vukovich (Christian Slater), who recognizes Verdon's connection to the victims and is of course both skeptical and cynical of Verdon.

But even though Verdon may not have the law on his side, it's not stopping him from getting to the bottom of these murders. However, Jack's wife, Ana (Gisele Fraga) is worried about Jack's obsession with solving these murders taking a toll on both his personal life and his marriage. Verdon also has his trusted partner Jenny Thames (Sarah Ann Schultz) who can work within the confines of the law to get information that Verdon cannot. Verdon is forced to confront his past in order to understand the rationale behind the killings...

The River Murders is a strong contender for worst film of 2011. It is also one of the most disappointing thrillers ever made. The greatest sin The River Murders has committed is that it is simply underwhelming. This film is an inferior clone of far better movies. The direction is bland and uninspired. The actors are clearly slumming through their roles here. Thers's no sense of life here. This movie basically exists to fill a quota.

I'm not sure which audience this movie was made for. It lacks the exploitative elements that genre fans would crave. It's not even exciting as a police procedural drama. Shows like CSI and Law & Order are more captivating than this movie. Everything in this movie is nondescript from the generic plot to the stock characters. Even the killings are not all that disturbing. The audience will shrug more than flinch.

Most of the violence happens off screen, though we do see the gruesome aftermath including the nude bodies. The River Murders also takes the unusual step of revealing the killer's identity very early in the movie. I recognize that this movie is trying to take a different approach here, but it just falls flat and by revealing who the killer is far too early, it takes away much of the suspense and anticipation. There is also the religious angle as possible motivation for the killings which was obviously inspired from the far superior Se7en.

Poor Ray Liotta. At one time, he was on top of the world with memorable performances in films like Goodfellas. Now, he's another actor in a long line of fallen A-movie Hollywood stars. He's certainly talented, and still is, but he picks scripts that are clearly beneath his talents, or rather, he's just doing everything for the paycheck and not for the passion of the art. Christian Slater does try to inject some much needed energy into the proceedings as a hard-nosed FBI agent who is far too suspicious of Verdon. His half-baked enthusiasm in his role as the snarky FBI guy doesn't do much to revive this lifeless corpse of a movie. I will commend Slater for his workmanlike efforts though.

I guess the best thing I can say about this movie is that it is not a complete embarrassment to the actors involved, many of whom were once fairly respected in the industry. I realize some people are going to see this movie anyway. Don't say I didn't warn you. The River Murders is not even worth a rental. I'm not even sure if it's worth seeing for free. That's how awful this movie is. Not even good for unintentional amusement, The River Murders is a drag and frustrating to watch. Watch an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 instead.