Review of The Rig (2010) by Lanky Man P — 08 Sep 2012

25 years ago, Once Upon A Time In America wowed many critics with its depiction of 1920's New York. Robert DeNiro and James Woods continued to garner accolades as two of the movies' finest actors. Danny Aiello and Joe Pesci made the most of their small roles as stepping stones to greater fame. Meanwhile, William "Cockeye" Forsythe has had to take parts in not one but TWO action vehicles for ex-football players (Firestorm and Stone Cold) among his many B-C-and-D list credits just to stay in the business. Nothing against the guy, I'm sure it keeps his car on the road. But wow, this one he picked sure is a stinker!

Talk about a lot of nothin' going on! This thing moves slower than tickets for a Spice Girls reunion concert. The original music score is written on a Wagner-like timescale, moaning along during what seems like 90% of the running time which I realized was a ploy to try and distract from the complete lack of action or drama onscreen. Desperate for content, they even include flashbacks to scenes that happened 2 minutes earlier! Dan Benson is so terrible in his mercifully small role that he obviously got the job because his brother/cousin/relative James Benson wrote the script, and as part of that allowance he had to wear the monster costume too - no joke!

There are about one-and-a-half scares to be found, the rest is a lopsided battle with boredom.