Review of The Return (2006) by Keiichi F — 13 Apr 2009

That is how I felt at times. The movie moves at a snails pace. That was during the interesting parts. The story is pieced together as if a 3 year old tried to hammer together a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle.

Sarah's acting was not bad as some say, but the rest of the cast's acting leaves little to be desired. Especially "the bad guy" and the "looser guy friend".

Visual's? WHAT visuals. It takes place in a poverty ridden small town in Texas that by sheer definition screams NO VISUALS.

Sarah plays a sales person on the beat for the "killer deal" with the tough-but-fair business owner in the (and get this) fast-paced, trendsetting, cut-throat GRAIN HAULING BUSINESS. OMG.

There was no crowd reaction... ever. Save that one time when this portly girl clodded down the stairs from the back row to fetch more popcorn. There were maybe two times the movie "scared me." But it was the step-on-a-cats-tail, while-waking-through-a-haunted house, then-cat-screams-then-you-scream type of moments. (did that make sense?) Oh well. If it did not, then you pretty much feel like my sister and I did through the entire showing.

In the end you get... Wait... You don't get anything except a sigh of relief and the peace of mind that you are one tough cookie to have sat it out. Well, that maybe a little misleading. You do figure out what MIGHT have caused all the hoopla, but not in the "give your buddie a high five" manner one could at-the-least appreciate. MP's HOLY GRAIL had a much better ending and they ran out of money making that movie.

Seriously, I have only walked out of one movie my entire life: Battlefield Earth... it took nerves of steel and Superman style fortitude to see this movie through.

Pass unless you like paying good money to see terrible movies. You know what, I take that back. Go watch this movie so you can really appreciate how much I tried to save you from the pain.

Poor Sarah. I was not a Buffy fan, but for some reason, I wanna see her do really well. Especially after Grudge 2 or as I lovingly call it, "A Dismal Failure". I wish she would have passed on this role.