Review of The Punisher (2004) by Hotelcentral — 14 May 2019

Punisher.

So this review will be a no-holds-barred spoilerfest because discerning film buffs may have something better to do with their time.

1) The first half hour is devoted to Frank Castle the Cop and Frank Castle the Family Man. I wasPunisher.

So this review will be a no-holds-barred spoilerfest because discerning film buffs may have something better to do with their time.

1) The first half hour is devoted to Frank Castle the Cop and Frank Castle the Family Man. I was expecting to see The Punisher. Maybe I was expecting Blade. I liked Blade because it started “in media res” with no time wasted and evolved from there. Everything in the first half hour of Punisher could have been handled in flashbacks lasting a sum total of 5 minutes. Yeah, it would’ve cut the “emotional content” available to the audience, but, seriously, who watches a film like this for the emotional content? Fifteen year old girls who think Punisher dude is dishy?

2) Frank Castle the Family Man ends with a platoon of bad guys traveling to Puerto Rico to slaughter Frank’s entire extended family. They approach under full daylight and don’t even bother wearing masks. There are apparently no people in Puerto Rico except Frank’s kin and the assassins and the assassins shoot up everybody. Kids and grandmas tumble like toy dolls. Things explode into roaring fireballs. Frank is shot at point blank range by one of these “professional killers” and is then blown into the Caribbean by an explosion and of course he survives. I guess the salt water sterilizes the wounds. Some guy in a rowboat picks him up later. Maybe some guy from the comic’s origin story. I didn’t bother looking it up.

In the middle of the slaughter Frank looks out a window and sees his mom being gunned down. His reaction is, “Mom?” Like he either can’t believe his eyes or I don’t know what. And it’s not like this is Frank’s first rodeo. The movie starts with a fair bit of shooting. You’d think the “veteran cop” would instantly risk life and limb to save Mom, or at least spout off with a few raging WTFs!!!!!

3) Frank goes on to wreak havoc and exact vengeance. This part is fairly interesting if you like to see bad guys get what they deserve and you’re not too particular about due process under US law. Apparently the actual police are all on vacation as they never put in an appearance.

4) John Pinette, the late standup comedian, does a nice job in a minor supporting role. There are several people in minor supporting roles. For the most part, these roles only distract from the whole point of the film (vengeance) and pad out the runtime.

5) The world’s greatest “hitman” is called in to kill Frank. He starts off by carrying a guitar into a diner and singing Frank a song. I guess this is supposed to imply that the guy is such a great hitman that he can break all the rules and still take down his target. Naturally, the hitman ends up dead. Frank takes his car.

6) “The Russian” is called in to kill Frank. I guess he's #2 in the world. You know the type. He’s like seven feet tall and you can smash him in the head with a crowbar and he doesn’t even bleed. But only in comics and movies. It turns out he’s vulnerable to burning hot grease in the face. He dies too.

7) There’s a girl in the film. She’s a bad judge of men. Frank saves her from getting murdered. That takes about one minute of screen time. Frank eats the girl’s cooking but keeps his emotional content to himself.

8) Overall, Punisher isn’t such a bad film. It’s just not any better than the typical action-adventure flick being churned out by the hundreds every year. There’s nothing really clever about the story. It ends pretty much where you’d expect.

If you're a real fan of the comic, you'll probably like it. If not, maybe you won't. There are plenty of options that would be far worse.