Review of The Predator (2018) by Cole B — 15 Sep 2018

Well, I didn't hate it, and it is probably about the 3rd best of the Predator movies, but yeah, that isn't saying much...

Be forewarned, there are some spoilers coming, but know that there aren't really that many surprises in the movie. All the same, avoid this review if you are going to watch it in the near future.

So first, the good things.

This movie is a great call-back to the original. Some fun action scenes, some really funny scenes and lines, and at no point does it take itself too seriously. If you are of the type that can shut down all cognitive processes when you sit down to a film, then you will have a great time. If not, then wincing through some of the rougher parts is worth it if you like action-scifi shoot-em-ups.

Group 2 is amazing. I really enjoyed each of the characters, though a few don't get quite as much love as others. Key is on point with the funnies and the rest are great follow-through on the jokes. Good stuff.

Yvonne Strahovski's Emily McKenna is really really good. Easily one of my favorite characters.

Brown's Traeger is a fun antagonist, though he goes from something interesting to a bit of a caricature towards the end. His final scene is stupid and so easy to miss that it has a Coen-like quality.

Rory is a great character, and I think the boy is well-played (give or take). I don't blame the actor, he did what he could with the material he was given.

The plot had potential. I'll just leave it at that.

Now, the bad things, of which there are many. I will say that while the negatives greatly outweigh the positives, I don't hate the movie in the way I some fan-pandering films. Still, some of these are so cringe-worthy it can be tough to power through.

The plot, while an interesting idea with lots of potential, is pretty much discarded right out of the gate. What was lined up to be a really interesting predator/human alliance is immediately thrown out the door when the "good guy" starts stringing people up from trees. Just dumb. Could have been so good too.

Oh. My. God. is the CGI awful. I mean truly 2001-era awful. I have not seen a professional movie have this poorly an animation staff in a very very long time. It just doesn't make any sense to make a movie this "blockbustery" with below TV-level animation. To make matters worse, they animate waaaay too much. Things that could very easily have been done with live FX are lazily slapped together using what looks like a free trial of software written in Bangladesh (no offense Bangladesh, I'm sure you have some fantastic coders somewhere). It is so bad that it is distracting throughout the entire film. All the best parts of the movie are those that don't have a predator in them.

Munn's Dr. Brackett is not a value-added component of this movie. The part calls for some braininess, some humor, some Campbell-esque personal development, and a bit of action heroine-ness. She pulls off exactly none of these. Remember how bad Psilocke was in Apocolypse? Yep, dial that up to 11. I have heard a few claim she has some great acting chops, but I just haven't seen it anywhere. Ming-Na Wen would have so much better for this role!!! To say her character is wooden is an understatement. I love just about every movie the Keanu Reeves has ever been in, so trust me, I have a very high tolerance, but just wow.

The predator is bullet-proof, except when he isn't. It would have been impossible to create a tactical plan on how to deal with the predator throughout this movie given how utterly arbitrary his survivability is. Nothing about the predator's powers, reactions, fighting ability, none of it, is consistent in any way. Combine this with the bad CGI and the copious amounts of (bad CGI) blood, and you have some of the worst predators in any of the films. The first predator also oscillates between super massive/weighty to normal human mass/weight, and from super strong, to pretty strong, to OMG that was Hulk-level strong and doesn't even sort of make sense. The super Predator is even worse.

You don't get to ogle any of the cool gear. One of the things that has always been great about the Predator franchise is the sweet alien tech. Their unique gear, each a little different from the last is what makes the aliens fun and interesting. This would probably be true this time too, if you ever got a chance to see any of it. The bits you get aren't fun, and the bits that are fun are so badly worked up into the CGi that you can't enjoy it.

The finale was anything but. I just can't get out of my head how dumb the last scene, which should have been hella cool, turned out to be.

Finally, the first scene of the movie will look very similar to anyone who has played Alpha Centauri Alien Crossfire.

Ok, with that off my chest, I will say that if you like the mythos, it is a worthy installment. The cringe-factor can be high, but if you have the stones to power through it, I recommend it. I'm not sure the big screen is a necessity, since I imagine some of the CGI awfulness will be minimized on a TV set.