Review of The Odd Life of Timothy Green (2012) by Cenessa M — 12 Jul 2013

Alright ladies, this is why you never bury your unwanted child in a stranger's garden. Because you get bullshit like this popping up from out of the ground and I got to go see it. It's not that I hated it, but after watching this I said to myself, "What was the point of all of that?" Here you have one of these movies where a childless couple who tries to make a kid but fails at every turn. So they decide to write all of their kid's traits on paper, bury it in their garden, add a little water, and presto-changeo you have yourself an instant vegi-kid. After watching this movie it made me want to burn every plant I own, because now I'm afraid that I'll have a dirty ass unwanted kid in my house. I know I shouldn't go on about it, but I must because someone needs to heed my warnings out there. So let's dig right into this piece of fertilizer and see what develops from the ground.

So like all small town movies, this one in particular is famous for making pencils and they highlight the shit out of it throughout most of the movie. I mean haven't these townsfolk heard of a computer or email for that matter? Joel Edgerton's character comes off as a chick with daddy issues saying that his father was never there sometimes or leaves a game every time he was losing. You know those kinds of chick problems. I mean the guy didn't look like he was an abusive father or terrible, but more emotionally closed toward his son and that's like almost every father in this country. Jennifer Garner acted so stupid in this movie that it wasn't even funny to me. This may come at a surprise, but I use to like this actress but after Elektra I figured she was downhill from there. The kid who played Timothy Green seemed two dimensional to me to where all he really did was like give reaction shots to where he seemed like a clueless dog. Another bad flaw in this movie is the parenting in this really awful. They're trying to tell this story to show how much they have learned, but all we ever see is them constantly acknowledge that they make the wrong choices. How are these parents suppose to win this adoption agency over again? This movie also has some prepubescent lust in this that Timothy's parents don't like it because...I have no fucking idea why. I don't know anything about this girl, she hasn't done anything wrong, and yet the parents constantly advise Timmy to stay away from her. Overall this movie is a waste of time for parents. I know the actors in this movie trying and even the kid is pretty good in this, but no amount of acting skill can save from something this horribly put together. It knows what it wants to say but has no idea how to say it correctly. This is a bad vegetable that should be turned into mulch. It could have had more of a deeper meaning, but it doesn't because these are how the new Disney movies are being made today. I give it only one star and hopefully will be the last time I talk about it.