Review of The Nice Guys (2016) by Jpmanistan — 01 Jun 2016

Angourie Rice is great. Crowe and Gosling have potential as a comic pair. There are literally 2-3 lines that made me laugh.

Now that I finished with the good points, I'll turn to the bad. I really wonder how Shane Black had the idea for this movie and thought it was worth writing down. Actually, I know why: He wanted a paycheck, anything he writes will get made, he has an inflated sense of his writing skills because people fawn over him for some reason (Lethal Weapon 30 years ago?), and he probably only punched up what his co-writer, Anthony Bagarozzi, dictated into transcription software on a coke binge anyway so no skin off his nose. This movie is not even an idea. It is a bunch of lame fights and shootouts strung together with the dumbest, barest, lamest plot ever and just dropped into the 1970s for no reason whatsoever to differentiate it from . . . every other buddy cop movie ever.

There are no spoilers in this review because there is no plot. It is meandering. It is based on totally prosaic ideas with no emotional weight (it involves car manufacturers' collusion...OOOH!). You don't care or know why anyone lives or dies ever. The violence is unrelenting and pointless. The jokes are the kind of thing that might look witty on paper, but they aren't funny in a movie because the characters have no voice, motivations, or depth. You could have switched the jokes between Crowe and Gosling most of the time because they are totally divorced from their characters, which are the barest sketches of composites of archetypes anyway. (Alcoholic single-dad PI, older PI (or cop, whatever) with a penchant for violence and a sketchy past only hinted at, etc.).

There are bizarre dream sequences that make no sense. No one changes, gets redeemed, gets better, overcomes anything, etc. Everyone is completely amoral and terrible. Just like I imagine Shane Black is.

To echo others' reviews: There are tons of anachronisms (a female Attorney General in 1977?). It is casually offensive. It trots around really young kids and puts them in disturbing sexual situations. It is just so lame and pointless in every way. It is really sad. In sum, there is no reason to see this movie. Everything it does, some other movie does a lot better. Hopefully Crowe and Gosling will team up again soon in a comedy by a writer and director who can do them justice. And I think Angourie Rice has a future as an actres.

So distressingly bad I fell asleep. I really am baffled by the professional and amateur reviews of this film that are positive. Shane Black worship is the only explanation I can think of. Go watch his earlier films. This just is a waste of time.