Review of The Musketeer (2001) by Lyn G — 30 Oct 2009

I think bad movies are like diseases. They make you sick - unless you were exposed as a kid, in which case you're simply immune. "The Musketeer" is one of the ones to which I'm immune, so I really can't vouch for its quality one bit.

But I won't apologize for loving it. When I watch it I just get transported into that little-boy state of mind where a hot-blooded hero humiliates his enemies without moral ambiguity, there's time even in the middle of a firefight for cheesy one-liners, and the beautiful heroine simply has to be rescued no matter what.

Even if the editing is messy and wannabe-Shakespeare lines are said in distracting American accents, it's still a fun ride. The real star is the action, choreographed in a kung-fu style. There are some fight scenes that are only so-so but others that are truly memorable.

Personally, I think this presentation is better than pure kung-fu movies in that it gives you a plot (albeit a messy one) to make you care about all this action. Despite my knowledge of how crappy the movie was, I found myself holding my breath when one of the characters is hanging from a tower; gasping when someone gets shot; shivering in wonderful terror as a character's mansion goes up in flames.

For the part of the actors, they're mostly rather wooden, but I think that works in the movie's favor: overacting just a little bit would have highlighted the flaws in the awful script, and this way the actors treat the material with an even-handed seriousness that makes it almost believable.

This movie could have been so, so much worse. If you like bad action flicks you'll adore it; otherwise, stick to your childhood classics, I'll stick to mine and we'll never have to disagree.