Review of The Mummy (2017) by John M — 10 Nov 2017

Studios should learn from this. So this is about a sealed tomb that gets disturbed in Iraq. When a rogue by the name of Nick Morton (Tom Cruise) unwittingly unleashes an ancient undead slighted princess (Sofia Boutella) on the world from said tomb, he's got to scramble to make things right, assuming that he doesn't die in the process.

This movie is an anomaly in that I don't think I have ever seen a movie go wrong so quickly. And I am not talking about the opening scene, mind you. I am talking about the opening title cards. As soon as the Universal bumper stops, you go to the other side of the globe and see what they've been up to: they have.

.. The Dark Universe. If you couldn't gather from above, Universal is trying to just let you know in advance that they can be Marvel, too, teasing an Avengers style team up of your favorite old school movie monsters.

They messed this up even worse than DC did with their cinematic universe, and the thing that these gigantic companies have failed to understand is that you have to earn it; you can't just fake that you have some awesome master plan when you clearly don't, and if you even attempt to take a shortcut, you're setting yourself up for failure.

Regardless, it is all a moot point now, because I do believe this idea was quickly scrapped in the wake of how hard this movie bombed. If there is one thing that this movie surprised me with, it was that it made me want to go back and rewatch the 1999 Brendan Fraser movie.

I don't consider myself to be a big fan of it or anything, but at least it has personality, being a cheesy sort of Indiana Jones. This is just bland and mirthless; I'm not saying this has to be as tongue and cheek as its predecessor, but at least do something noteworthy and consistent within your movie.

Every decision made in this feels like a studio choice, and it ends up looking like every other blockbuster out there, only piecemealed together. The biggest crime that The Mummy commits is that it is generic.

I don't think this was aided by the fact that the trailers for this gave too much away, and with no real surprises, you are kind of just waiting for this to be over, even though it moves at a halfway decent pace.

This is a very standard movie that is exactly what it looks like, and while I didn't hate it, I can't really give you a single reason to watch this, even with Tom Cruise doing wind sprints in his mid-fifties.