Review of The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (2015) by Renovatia — 11 Oct 2016

I never thought I'd do this, but here it goes: I didn't finish the movie, yet I'm writing a review. It was always against my policy to write a review if I didn't see an installment multiple times entirely. Here's my attempt to explain what's so bad about this movie.

Let me first say that the overall production value is good, the coloring scheme, lenses, filters, that was all quite nice. At the same time, this is where the good parts end for me.

The movie throws you back into the age of ultra-heroic spy-dom during the cold war. I've been told the movie was supposed to be campy just like many movies were in those days. However, campiness has been confused with corniness and bad jokes. Nor do I think any of the main actors cared. It's not the actors, it's the lack of direction, I'm sure of it.

Two spies, one from the west and the other from mother Russia are forced to work together after having fought each other in the opening scenes. The result of their forced cooperation is that one tries to outwit the other through futile bickering. Just like Arnold Schwarznegger in the 80's flick Red Heat. "My gun is bigger than yours." Or something like that.

Times sure have changed because nowadays our spies bicker whether a Dior dress goes with a Rabanne belt. I kid you not. An attempt to make them communicate like shopping girls ended up in a cringe-worthy performance. I think this scene has been created within the context of Hollywood's ongoing push for the gay agenda on top of attempts to emasculate the men by denying the differences of the genders. Clearly this part of the feminist lobby made it to Hollywood as well.

From here on the movie overloads us with endless bickering between the formerly competing spies.

It became clear quickly that this movie is as predictive as a movie can be. The fights à la Matt Damon's Bourne franchise is glued together with cut-scenes, cam shakes and bad zooming, merely creating an illusion of capable fighting. But it's obvious to the viewer they don't know what they're doing. Car chases are like you'd expect them to be in a predictable movie, which includes driving the car in a too narrow street, only to be held back by the walls exactly where a window of a house aligns with the side window of the car so they can escape. And that's exactly how our hero American spy planned it off-course.

The crooks and heroes are indistinguishable because the only requirement seems to be that the men need to look like dress-men. One is replaceable by the other - you won't even notice nor would you care. Not to mention the horrific attempts at speaking English with a Russian accent, or the attempts at speaking German, which produced a barely understandable Germanic **** from three thousand years ago. I don't mind a lack of pronunciation - who cares right? - but the scenes insisted on itself, and that makes it different. Also, miss Vikander's role is that of an (east) German decent, yet she is not required to speak English with a German accent; double standards and inconsistency right here, as with almost everything in the movie.

After bickering scene #53 and smugness scene #78 I couldn't take it anymore and stopped watching. There's a market for this and I wish those viewers lots of fun, but those who read my reviews know it's not for me.

I rated the movie only a few stars because I'm convinced the executive producer(s) and the director didn't even try. Enough money was thrown in to make it visually decent, but that alone doesn't work for me.