Review of The Lords of Salem (2013) by Nicholas L — 11 May 2013

I have watched foreign films in reverse that make more sense than this movie, they also had a narrative structure. The thing is Lord of Salem suffers from Rob Zombie wanting to show us how cool his visuals are.

I will admit while mostly unoriginal some of the visuals are pretty striking but other than that there is nothing in here to marvel or even glance at. Rob Zombie likes his movies and people ugly, thats why he got his wife to wear weird dread locks(Reminiscent of House of 1000 corpses much?).

He also has tons of naked old woman in this movie. I don't even have the steam to tell you what this is about. Just know its visuals ripped off from his own movies and other famous movies that are tied together by a nonsensical plot, that has no real scares and no real laughs.

This movie has committed the ultimate crime of being boring, not scary, and not cheesy enough to laugh at. If all copies of this movies were to be burned I'd be fine with it.