Review of The Lords of Salem (2013) by Kale J — 20 Sep 2013

I saw "Lords of Salem" last night with my boyfriend. We've seen hundreds of scary horror flicks since that's kind of a hobby of ours. This movie creeped me the f* out. From one scene to the next, you never know what your eyeballs will witness. I'm usually only scared of ghost movies, but Lords was crazy! I'm not a deeply religious being at all, but I was knocked out of my seat by the blasphemous imagery and script (priests with burned looking faces wacking off with colored jelly dildos, a fat devil looking creature that rapes her, the constant repetition that God is the ultimate sinner and abandoner, etc.) and context of the movie. I loved learning about The Salem Witch Trials in school, but Zombie definitely took a spin on the historic Trials and created a mindf* of a movie.

That evil, ancient song the DJs are tricked into playing over the radio is pretty eery and later in the movie we learn the song is a kind of "welcoming" song to Hell. There are many underlying ideas we came up with about the gist of this movie: Is Zombie portraying the historical Salem witches or WOMEN in general as the followers of the Devil? With the constant reminder throughout the movie that "all we are worth is between our legs and we are filthy c*nts", are women only here on earth to do the Devil's work? Zombie could have tied both ideas better if that's what he was going for. The 3 Coven old ladies did a good job. They played very well into the lusty, mysterious, satanic, manipulative, and controlling demeanor of what I've read a "witch" is.

Sheri Moon Zombie (the main character) probably isn't the BEST choice for this movie. She is kind of a dry character and doesn't really take charge in her character. Her part could have been much more meaningful and horrific if a better actress was used. Overall, I liked it. Probably because I watched it solely concentrating on the story, not trying to measure it up to similar popular movie inspirations. If you take it for what it is, then maybe you may enjoy it more.

All I can say is I felt filthy after viewing it!

If you want shocking, watch this at least once.