Review of The Lords of Salem (2013) by Nathan L — 07 Oct 2013

[Zero Stars].

Rob Zombies' brand of atavistic, 70's-era throwbacks to the horror of yesteryear is an acquired taste. For as refreshingly old-school and grungy as 'The Devil's Rejects' was, his 'Hallowee' remake was a platitudinous, unintentionally funny flatliner. Which brings me to 'The Lords of Salem' which I can safely assume (or hope) is the worst film that Zombie has been associated with. For one thing, the character depth of Heidi as a recovering junkie is superficial at best with truncated scenes of her as a support group to indicate her struggle. Zombie is completely clueless about minute details like how a small-radius radio station works with Heidi and her deejay friends using obnoxious sound effects ad nauseum and playing unsolicited records. The phantasmagorical imagery is putrid and avant-garde (ranging from a midget with flailing intestines and Heidi bucking atop a goat). Although it has been touted as "blazingly original", the trajectory of the story with a vessel for Satan's birth has been tread dozens of times before. The acting from Meg Foster as the coven leader is cringe-inducing and hammy. The pacing is plodding to the point of boredom. From concept to execution, 'The Lords of Salem' is a solemnly self-serious, excruciating piece of drek that ranks as one of the worst movies of the year.