Review of The Longest Yard (2005) by Andrew D — 21 Jul 2013

In this remake to what many people consider to be the greatest sports movie of all time, Adam Sandler stars as Paul Crewe, an ex-NFL player who has recently been arrested and imprisoned. When he arrives, he finds out that the warden is a big football fan and has his guards train for games against the convicts.

Knowing how he was once a big player, the warden asks Crewe to coach a group of ragtag players to make a big football game that will be broadcast nationwide. Accepting this opportunity, Paul soon learns that it's harder than it looks to get these convicts to work together.

However, with the help of Caretaker (Chris Rock) and Nate Scarborough (Burt Reynolds, star of the original film), they might have a shot. I've never seen the original film before, so I have nothing to really compare this to.

I'm not a huge Sandler fan, but I've enjoyed some of his work. The Longest Yard is easily not one of his best. Judging it as a movie itself, it's the typical Happy Madison comedy routine with never ending toilet humor that makes you suspect that the film was written by a five year old.

I've enjoyed something like this in the past with films like Happy Gilmore and The Waterboy, but it's just gotten old at this point. I may have chuckled a few times, but for the most part the film is not that funny.

The way the "jokes" are played out look like something out of the terrible spoof "Movies" that are never really that funny (Note: The Longest Yard IS better than those types of films, but that's not really saying much).

I also didn't really buy many of these characters, especially the fact that I'm supposed to believe that Adam Sandler was a quarter back. I may not be a football fan (in fact, I hate the sport), but I can easily tell that Sandler was some poor casting for a player that's supposed to be pretty bulk.

Sandler is pretty much a toothpick in this movie compared to the other players that seem to fit the team more. The only person who I felt wasn't acting like a live action cartoon was Chris Rock as Caretaker.

He was one of the only character in the film that actually got a few chuckles out of me (as well as Burt Reynolds and the announcers for the big game), even though once again the film isn't that funny.

What I liked best about him was the fact that he was actually very likeable and when something happens to him near the end of the second act, my mouth was gaping because I couldn't believe what happened to him.

He's the best character in the film and possibly one of Rock's best roles (still, he's done better). Now, as a comedy movie, The Longest Yard sucks. However, it actually works pretty well as a sports movie.

The football scenes were pretty well shot and actually had me on the edge of my seat (even though the script is as predictable as an Adam Sandler film gets). Sure it's not the best sports action I've seen, but it was fun enough for me to finally get into the movie with only 40 minutes to go.

So overall, The Longest Yard is a BAD comedy movie. However, if you're looking for a good sports movie, you could do worse. Just be warned that the actual good part takes up the last 40 minutes of the film, leaving you with one of the least funniest hours you will ever experience.