Review of The Long Island Cannibal Massacre (1980) by Shaun B — 22 May 2010

Cult underground horror director (not to mention writer, producer, editor, cinematographer, etc) Nathan Schiff follows up his demented and cultish Weasels Rip My Flesh with this "gem" of a film known as Long Island Cannibal Massacre.

Shot on a vintage Super 8mm camera on a budget of what looks like 500 dollars, Long Island Cannibal Massacre begins with a bang, as an baghead and overalls-clad maniac viciously assaults and kills an unsuspecting young woman by way of lawnmower.

As it turns out, the masked murderer and his biker pal go around killing a bevy of youngsters for Jack (who strangely resembles Ron Jeremy), a drunken and depressed young guy who's forced to constantly bring these dead kids to a hidden society of Long Island cannibalistic lepers, led by his father.

It's up to Inspector Cameron, whose so obsessed with this case of dead missing kids that he quits the force to devote all of his time to it. Though the overall result of this film is unintentionally hilarious, badly aged, and rather bland throughout, there are several marks of pure genius throughout this film; I kid you not.

The masked killer eerily resembles Baghead Jason, who would later appear a couple years later in Friday the 13th Part 2. Anytime this killer was on screen doing the nasty, the shots are done well and actually give off some chilling thrills.

The way Schiff did the title with a stencil over a TV tuned to a dead channel in the opening credits is bordering on sheer brilliance. Though hilarious as times, the lines go from completely campy to strangely poetic.

The supposed coolest chainsaw duel since Texas Chainsaw Massacre is indeed something that's amusing, especially since we're finally shown the infamous dad character (whose more like a giant monster instead of leper), however, NOTHING will ever beat the chainsaw duel of Motel Hell, period.

The biggest laugh comes in the reveal of the masked killer, which makes absolutely ZERO sense given the realism and story structure, but then again, there's isn't much of either of these things to begin with in this film.

Still, an amusing watch and definitely recommended to the more hardcore horror fan purists.