Review of The Legend of Suriyothai (2001) by Holly F — 16 Jul 2007

First, the good stuff:

Amazing sets and costumes...it was breathtaking to look at. The actors were all great, totally convincing and perfect for each part they played. And the beginning caused to you think the movie was going to be GREAT, and paying the six bucks at Rogers Video to rent this thing was definitely going to be worth it.

BUT....

The story was sooooo long, convoluted, and B-O-O-O-RING. It's also two hours long. Sweet cracker sandwich, I can't remember when I've been THIS BORED by a movie. As I write this, I still have 20 minutes or so left to watch - which I have been putting it off for DAYS! I just don't want to subject myself to this torture ANY MORE.

This movie got all kinds of shining reviews. Were the reviewers on drugs? Did they even WATCH the movie? Or were they just paid to say it was good, and to heck with actually watching it? I tend to go with that last option. NOBODY would give this movie a good review unless they were PAID to do so.

One thing I found especially confusing is that the movie promised that it would be a story about Princess Suriyothai making all kinds of sacrifices for her people. In the film, when the princess marries a man she doesn't love, a title comes across the screen that says "This was the first of many sacrifices Princess Suriyothai was to make for her people". Then after that, we literally don't see Suriyothai again, except for a couple of glimpses of her living happily with her husband. The story is actually based on an entirely different set of people and all the fighting between these people of royalty. At this point, I'm at the last 20 minutes, and I haven't seen Suriyothai sacrifice ANYTHING. Maybe her sacrifice is contained in those last twenty minutes. But I have been beaten so much with a boring-stick that I no longer care!

After this stinkbomb snoozefest of a film, I think I have finally learned my lesson, which is to STOP RENTING MOVIES BECAUSE THE SUNDANCE FILM FESTIVAL - AND ALL THE OTHER FILM FESTIVALS - RECOMMEND THEM!! I should have learned my lesson after the brain-melting stupidity of "Morvern Callar", which I rented BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH THE FILM FESTIVALS RAVED ABOUT IT.

Film festivals are not a gauge for how good a movie is. I've learned that now.

If you happen to be in the "Foreign" section of your local video store, and besides finding ME there beside you, you're tempted to rent this movie, do yourself a favour and get a Chinese epic film (they like their epics, those Chinese). But keep in mind with Chinese movies: EVERYBODY DIES AT THE END. So get ready to have fun getting depressed. I do!!!

HAHAHAHAAAAA!!!