Review of The Kingdom (2007) by Wes M — 31 Mar 2012

Eww. This suckedâ¦a lot. I can't even give a quote for this one, cuz it's unquotable. I don't do this anymore, but years ago, I bought a few movies without seeing them first. Why not? Theyâ(TM)re only $5.

Well, I'll tell you why not. I've never been this bored during a war movie. I dunno if you can even call this a war movie: there's 1 battle, and itâ(TM)s during the last 20 minutes. The one redeeming feature was the opening: a timeline that links the U.

S. and Saudi Arabia. The movie starts out with a terrorist attack in Saudi Arabia, and you think âok, decent start, it should only pick up speed from here, right?â? Ha. The middle hour is an impossible struggle to get through, mainly cuz absolutely nothing happens.

But donâ(TM)t worry, they try to cover that up with some atrocious writing. Not exactly a turn on for me. They throw a bunch of political garbage at you, and then the end suddenly turns it into a war movie.

What the hell? The camera is a classy handheld that never seems to stop shaking, even during simple conversations. Iâ¦don't like that either. Danny Elfman did the score, but you wouldnâ(TM)t be able to tell, cuz itâ(TM)s not his style (sounds like a ripoff of Explosions In The Sky), nor is this the type of movie that he would normally score.

And half a dozen great actors can't save this movie either. Nothing wrong with their acting, it's this pathetic script. I should not have to talk back to a movie in disgust, especially since the movie canâ(TM)t hear me.

The end is supposed to be this "awesome", gritty, intense scene, but by that time, you've invested all the tolerance you can muster, and you just don't give a flying poop what happens.

Looks like thereâ(TM)s a trip to Disc Replay in my near future.