Review of The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009) by Greg P — 10 Jul 2013

There are so many bad american horror movies lately, that i've decided to only watch foreign horror until this remake trend goes away, and Hollywood finally gets the clue that they need to start digging into the archives and short stories for original ideas if they hope to bring back the dark "glory" that once was the american horror industry.

So many horror fliks nowadays, have all these flashy, artsy posters and elaborate trailers that always make the movie seem kooler than it actually is...or they show you the entire movie in the trailer and you end up paying 10bucks for the trailer filled with bad dialogue, frat boy humor, and cheerleaders having boyfriend issues--slap on a PG-13 rating and you've got an instant cash crop.....at the expense of the genre itself.

....so many filmmakers are resorting to this and it's ruining it for the true fans of horror. they are not geeks or sick in the head or dangerous people, they just like good horror.........and they're not stupid..they know a bad movie when they see one. (these are not the people paying 10 bucks at the theatre, your movies just aren't worth it! you want people to stop downloading? churn out better quality film and you'll bring'em back.....that goes DOUBLE for the music industry!).

When a movie comes out claiming to be the sickest, most depraved and uncompromisingly politically incorrect, I tend to take it with a grain of salt, 'cuz it seems that just about EVERY horror movie these days says that.

There was a time when movies such as, "I Spit on Your Grave", "Faces of Death", "the Last House on the Left", "Bloodsucking Freaks" and "the Wizard of Gore", promised the most depraved images and twisted ideas, with their 'banned in a million countries' and 'not for the squeamish' labels, and for the most part, for their time, they delivered! (if you watch these movies now, with exception of "Faces of Death", they're just funny!).

....the "banned" movies did for horror in the 80s what "Behind the Green Door" and "Deepthroat" did for porn in the 70s!

People flocked to them to have their limits pushed to the extreme! not because they're sick and depraved or likely to go out and try it, they're simply trying to test their own limits to see if they can handle it....that's what I like to tell myself at least! :D.

At some point, the slasher fliks had to start going all out just to compete with the darker, more "hardcore" films, just to keep people in the seats.

Movies such as, "My Bloody Valentine", "the Prowler", "Happy Birthday to Me", & "Driller Killer", with more elaborate killings and outrageous twists, began appearing, claiming to be stranger and scarier and bloodier than the next and for a while it was interesting, until it bled itself out toward the end of the 80s.

Now we have mostly crap claiming to be kool and remakes that don't even have anything remotely in common with their originals...

...and now we have the Human Centipede...

The Human Centipede is wrong on sooooooo many levels!

However, it delivers exactly what it promises...an EXTREMELY uncomfortable and bizarre experience...it WILL haunt you even though it's not scary at all. but it also isn't claiming to be scary. if it wasn't being so played up in the horror genre, i'd actually call this a sci-fi flik.

It's claims to be "100% medically accurate", but it's just outrageous and untrue.

People expecting to see buckets of blood and alot of gorey surgery, may be somewhat disappointed, 'cuz there's barely any blood at all.

I, personally am fine with this, 'cuz sometimes, too much blood and over the top gore can ruin the "horrifying" aspect for me. i'm more affected by accuracy, ie better death acting, rather than a single stab wound, killing the victim instantly in an spray of choreography or an obvious mannequin being violently hacked at for intensity....it's intense, just not scary.

This movie was put together on the concept of uncomfortable suggestion. just the implications of the plot is enough to cause even the darkest horror fan to slightly cringe, yet fucked up enough to hold them ravenous until they can rent a copy!

During the film, there are times when you just have to giggle, but not because of cheesiness or bad acting or even bad writing...this movie is very well made, well acted, well delivered, it's just you have to express all the tension that it builds up in you as you anticipate what is about to happen next. from scene to scene, your mind is following the images and your logic is filling in the blanks of what the only possible outcome could be!

....and if you don't try to laugh, at some point, you may be slightly in shock by the end.....the human mind just isn't supposed to comprehend the ideas forced on you throughout this, I tell you!

........it is truly one of the most uncomfortable movies I have ever witnessed...........and the doctor is genuinely creepy. this guy did a fantastic job at letting you in on just how fucked up he was! from his cold demeanor as he outlined his intentions to his shrieking victims, to his eery shudders in ecstasy as he was performing the surgeries.....you genuinely felt that he truly and completely got off on it!

The acting was very genuine,which is what I like most about foreign horror...they actually employ actors, not reality tv personalities. (or the quality of actors who aren't worth anything but a spot on reality tv).

This movie has all the key elements of a classic....fresh faces, quality acting, conceptual originality, slick directing, a plot with legitimate and logical twists, a well thought out script......gore fans won't like it so much, but genre fans will completely embrace it!

You actually feel for these people, their fear and anguish is believable; the characters aren't designed to be thought of as douchebags or sinners who deserve what their getting...like the older horror fliks, you felt a genuine horror for what's happening to them and a good horror film must have this element to ensure that you hope you never find yourself in this situation and it must be powerful enough in its delivery, to force you to think of a way out if you ever did...

Bad horror fliks rake in cash solely from the promise of elaborate murder...

Good horror fliks rake in loyal fans solely from their ability to paralyze the senses.......and this one won't disappoint!

This movie is depraved and disgusting and should not be viewed by ANYONE! but it only needs to be viewed ONCE and I highly suggest you do....you won't believe it!