Review of The House on Devils Road (2008) by La P — 11 Jan 2010

Question: How's Hell House?

Answer: The Hell House, for those of you lucky enough not to have been initiated, is a haunted house held by the religious folk roundabouts Halloweens time. Visitors are led through different rooms where horrible "sins" are taking place: a woman goes to a rave, a man dies from A.I.D.S., etc. Forgive the tired pun, but the object is to scare the hell out of you. Ya get it? The film centers on the very first such Hell House, perhaps unsurprisingly located in the heart of Texas. Trinity Assembly of God is planning their tenth HH, and are trying to up the ante after the controversial "Columbine" room that they had installed last year. When the point is brought up that people might think they're just doing this for publicity, one of the church leaders answers: "I'm okay with that." Churches that are willing to make fun of Columbine in order to get publicity aren't likely to be conservative, and so it is that TAG's ideas about their religion lie toward the extreme. They find no qualm with preparing a room in their Hell House showing a man becursed by Satan with A.I.D.S. for being a homosexual. They prepare elaborate death sequences with gallons of fake blood and sharp knives, but blush when it's thought that two characters should be boyfriend and girlfriend. They preach about how "suffering brings you to Jesus", which is why one of the girl's working in the show forgives the man who raped her... and then came to see her playing a suicide at Hell House. And to think: 12,000 people came to see this crazy show the previous year. Are they all coming to stare in wonder, or is there a number who are being affected by this? What percentage, do you think? Or is affecting them really the mission of the HH - could it instead by making money and getting in the news? Perhaps the answer to this is given when one of the church leaders shows off his part-time job as a semi-professional wrestler. He pretends to bash in people's brains all day, and justifies himself by saying that he's "giving the people what they want to see". Is Trinity giving us what we want to see in their ridiculousness. Why would we want to see that? I mean, these are the sort of people who send their children to schools that use special "SPEECH for Christian Schools" books. Or is that what all Christian schools are like? Okay then, these are the sorts of people who think that role playing games, Harry Potter, and Ouija boards are the tools of Satan. But then, maybe their fringe beliefs are growing more mainstream given that the number of Hell Houses operating grows each year. Certainly there's more kids laughing in line for the show than are interested in sitting down afterward to have a heart to heart with a youth pastor... right? Right?

Short Answer: I need a cigarette.