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Last updated: 28 Jun 2026 at 09:19 UTC

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Review of by Jeff O — 19 May 2008

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After his girlfriend leaves him, Nate decides to move from Maine to California to find his first-grade crush. Somehow he is in touch with Arno Blout (Greg Wilson), from first grade, a disgusting mess who lives with his mom.

In less than 20 seconds, Arno quickly fills Nate in on all that he's missed in the past twenty years; Cristabelle is hot and single, but that is only because she lives with her ugly friend, June Phigg (Christine Lakin), also from first grade.

So begins Nate's quest to conquer Cristabelle, aided by Arno's stalker file, which tracks her every move. After their lives literally collide, it doesn't take long for Nate to find out what a nice girl Cristabelle is and how she creepily remembers him, too.

Of course they cannot be together because that would be a fifteen-minute movie, so she confides that she will not go out with anyone until June gets a boyfriend. Nate vows to find June someone so he can cozy up to Cristabelle.

One of the goals of philistinism is to render meaningless the words "best" and "worst". Hilton admires that philosophy because, by annihilating human perceptions of quality, Hilton's own mediocrity can flourish.

She even condones the odious slurs that will prevent me from getting my work done.

This review of The Hottie & The Nottie (2008) was written by on 19 May 2008.

The Hottie & The Nottie has generally received very negative reviews.

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