Review of The Hollywood Knights (1980) by Kris W — 15 Dec 2010

"At last, a motion picture that moons a man on the land.".

"Beverly Hills and the civilized world will never forget them.".

"The days are wild and the nights are rockin'!".

Led by their comedic and pranking leader, Newbomb Turk (Robert Wuhl), the Hollywood Knights car gang raise hell throughout Beverly Hills on Halloween Night, 1965. Everything from drag racing to Vietnam to high school love. One of at least 5 films that have "kids" becoming adults, (usually entering high school, or the next phase of life; job, marriage, etc.), and the film takes place a full generation or more before it is made. In addition to Hollywood Knights, this list includes American Graffiti, Diner, Dazed and Confused, and Porkys. This film is a cross between American Grafitti and Porkys.

First major film for Tony Danza, Michelle Pfeiffer and Robert Wuhl, and probably Tony Danza's best film he had a prominent role in.

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Sally: He's got more humor in his little pinky than you have in your whole pinky.

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Sally: Turk, did you come?

Newbomb Turk: A little.

Sally: What do you mean a little? Either you came or you didn't.

Newbomb Turk: I came.

Sally: Oh my God, I can't believe you came. You are so immature.

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Officer Clark: Don't you think I'd look good in a moustache?

Bimbeau: You'd be perfect. You'd be a perfect horse's ass.

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Newbomb Turk: [Wearing a wolf mask] Hey, Red Riding Hood, wanna be eaten by the Big, Bad Wolf?

Red Riding Hood: Fuck you Newbomb.

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Bimbeau: Lemme tell you buttholes somethin'! This shit's wwaaayyyyy outta line! And you squirrels better have some nuts in your mouth... or you're goin' downtown!

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Bimbeau: [after tasting the punch, which the Knights have urinated in] It does have a little wang to it. Good, though.

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Newbomb Turk: Did you ever hear the joke about the man with five penises? His pants fit like a glove.

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[repeated line to a little boy].

Bimbeau: You little son of a bitch!

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[Sally's friends are topless sunbathing by the pool].

Sally: I don't know why you're doing that. The last time I did that my tits peeled so much I went from a B cup to an A.

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Dudley: Don't hurt me! I think I may be a bleeder!

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Mrs. Freidman: I've had this taste in my mouth before.

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Smitty: Everything changes, you know that. Nothing stays the same.

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Sally: I mean, I don't know what it's gonna be. Soon I'll be going away to college and I'll probably never see you again.

Newbomb Turk: You're going to UCLA.

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[Dudley is calling his mother from Tubby's].

Dudley: Mother?

Dudley's Mother: Dudley?

Dudley: Mother, I am calling you to tell you I will be out rather late tonight. In point of fact, I might not be in at all.

Dudley's Mother: You're not in bed, dear?

Dudley: Mother, I have a assignation with a young lady. I am going to explore the boundaries of my manhood. Mother, I am going to get laid.

Dudley's Mother: You're going to be late, dear?

Dudley: Not late, mother, laid; the past participle of the verb 'to lay'. Mother, I am going to screw someone.

Dudley's Mother: Oh!

[faints].

Dudley: Now, I just have to figure out how.

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Bimbeau: You know what I'd like to do to you, Newbomb? I'd like to kick the crap out of you!

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Suzie Q: How about a kiss?

Duke: Sure, those never cost anything.

Suzie Q: Yes they did. I got used to them.

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Brenda Weintraub: [Tape played over the PA system at the dance] Did you hear about Jean Freidman? I heard she had an abortion in Tijuana.

Shirley Weintraub: That's doesn't surprise me. I heard she gave half the football team the clap.

[chuckles].

Shirley Weintraub: They sure played like they still had it last week.

Newbomb Turk: That was the 'Ironbox' Twins, Brenda and Shirley Weintraub, coming to you live from the ladies' room at Tubby's Drive-In.

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Mrs. Freidman: [Speaking to a crowd of investors in her living room] Starting tomorrow, today is history...

Bimbeau: [Overheard speaking to Officer Clark from the kitchen] HORSESHIT!

Mrs. Freidman: Um, Nevans, there seems to be some sort of disturbance in the kitchen.

Nevans: Um, yes, those are members of the Hollywood Police Dept.

Mrs. Freidman: Oh, well... go take care of it.

Bimbeau: [heard from the kitchen, screaming at Officer Clark] BULLSHIT!

Nevans: I'll go see if I can't get those boys to calm down.

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Bimbeau: [singing to the theme of Lawrence of Arabia] Lawrence, Lawrence of Arabia. He was an English Guy. He came to fight the Turkish.

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Duke: [looking at Jimmy Shines newly finished hot rod, joking] Is this piss yellow?

Tony Nancy: [with mock shock] It's 'Tony Nancy' yellow!

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Officer Clark: [to Duke at a traffic light] OK asshole, pull this yellow piece of shit around the corner here... you got me? Hear that? Move it!... Right now, asshole!

[Duke dumps the clutch and burns away from the traffic stop, leaving Clark looking confused].

Wheatly: [yells out the window of his GTO as they pass Clark still in the street] Hey Officer Clark, are you lost or something?

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Simpson: [to Newbomb, who's back is turned] Hey pencil-dick... what time is it?

Newbomb Turk: [grabs a sandwich to throw at Simpson] Time to eat!

[turns and hurls the sandwich which hits Officer Bimbeau instead].

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Black Kid: Man, the fool ain't got no dick at all.

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Sally: Turk, come over here. Now he happens to be very hysterically funny. I put him right up there with Steve and Edie. He has more talent in his little pinkie than you have in your whole... pinky.