Review of The Hitcher (2007) by Holly C — 25 Mar 2012

It truly is terrible. This is a grotesque misuse of valuable resources, like... what a waste of Sean Bean and Neil McDonough talent. Both of these actors are intense and even contemptible (in a good way!). But they fail to save this gratuitously cheap splatter-filled thrill-ride from its own terrible shock value, uncreative writing, stupid plot, boring dialogue, and bad acting from the other actors that fail to immerse themselves in the creepiness of it all. The result is one-dimensional characterization and character interface. The couple aren't even believable lovers, and I can't think how their interaction, even the sex, can seem to any audience member to exemplify a convincing relationship. So how can I give a shit if he dies and she has to face this maniac by herself? I can't. And they're also stupid for not taking every precaution to gtfo of range from The Hitcher. And I can't believe that he keeps on finding them. I CAN'T BELIEVE ONE FUCKING THING IN THIS FUCKING FLICK.

Sean Bean is incredibly over the top, which is actually a joy to see, but the way his character kills off characters, like toying with them, torturing them, ripping their bodies in half by chaining them to 18-wheelers, etc. is ridiculous. Furthermore, when he murders Neil McDonough's character towards the end on account of the precarious situation that the character gets in, I had to facepalm. It's like this movie wanted to fail and disappoint me in every way possible. The character portrayed by Sophia Bush doesn't exact any revenge whatsoever, like redirecting any of Sean Bean's character's own torture back at him for killing her boyfriend or anything, just... bang, dead, exeunt, walking down the highway desolately. No instant gratification in this ending, and it hath made me angry.

How unsatisfying. Don't waste your time with this one, just drive right past. Go pick up the original Hitcher. Or some other good grindhouse feature.