Review of The Golden Compass (2007) by Jackson S — 11 Feb 2013

Ehhh...hhhhhh. I wanted to like it. The story's good, it's got it's kickass moments. I was hoping for the next LOTR without the movie feeling like it's trying to be LOTR. What I got was a movie desperately trying to be LOTR.

And the blame falls entirely on director Chris Weitz lap. The motherfucker rushed it. The pacing was off, there's hardly any character development, by the time you figure out what the fuckin story's about the movie ends.

The most irritating parts came from the Witches who flew around like a bunch of Peter-pushes-poo-Pan wannabes. Then, there's the evil horde of dudes who line up with their wolves and couldn't possibly look more like the belonged in the land of Oz, and oh sweet irony if these two buttpluggin groups of characters didn't face off in the end.

I can only assume all of its faults work better in the book. After all of this though, I am still going to anticipate the sequels so long as the producers take Chris Weitz out back and beat the piss out of him, and then hire a new director.