Review of The Godfather Part III (1990) by Faris A — 01 Mar 2012

There are two moments in this movie that will make you scream and groan and want to punch Francis Ford Coppola in his brand-new vagina:

1. "D-aaaaaaadddd?".

You know what I'm talking about. Don't act like you don't; you know exactly what I'm referring to. Was FFC just too timid to direct his own daughter's acting, or is Sofia Coppola really THAT bad? The best thing to do here is just to imagine Sofia ripping a huge one right after that line. If it had happened in the movie, it would've been a masterpiece. One of the worst death scenes ever. Could be compared to the "Garbage Day!" scene from Silent Night, Deadly Night 2; and if you haven't seen that Youtube video yet, then welcome to the internet. Don't open e-mails from strangers.

2. Glasses / neck stabbing.

For some reason, people don't talk about this one much; I think it's just overshadowed by #1, but there is a moment, during the murder-montage in the finale, where one of the hit-men has to kill some guy at a desk who is wearing glasses. I don't remember the names because who gives a damn. Anyway, the hit-man doesn't have a weapon, because he was frisked, so what does he do? While he's close enough to the guy at the desk, he pulls off the pair of glasses, folds them, and... stabs him in the neck. With the glasses. You know, the ones without any sharp edges or piercing points? Just a regular pair of glasses. Hem hem: YOU CAN'T DO THAT. What would have really happened in this scene: the glasses break and bounce off the neck, fall to the floor, the man to be murdered says "What the hell?" and the murderer is shot, which happens anyway. Ridiculous. Ridiculous. Ridiculous.

There is some art and symbolism in this film, and most of the themes of the other Godfather films are honored, but the tired performances, forgettable plot, and these two fantastically bad moments bring the movie way down. Of course it's affected by the fact that the word "Godfather" is in the title; when placed beside the two masterpieces that preceded it, the film only becomes all the more despised by the film community. But this perhaps unfair comparison can be excused. Why? Because... because... because whatever, fuck this movie, that's why.

4.7.