Review of The Girl on the Train (2016) by Cameron K — 22 Oct 2016

I went into this movie not knowing much about it, except for the basic premise: a girl watches the window of the train everyday sees a couple, then one day the wife in that couple ends up missing. In no way was I expecting an action-thriller, but I was expecting... something. "Something" is not in this movie. The whole movie essentially boils down to Emily Blunt in a drunken stupor trying to solve a case, with absolutely no substance of any sort. Just a bunch of people being upset at each other. The characters were dull and unlikable, all of them, the plot was trite, the dialogue was "meh" at best. There's a twist that's so predictable that it caused me physical pain, but there was no actual hinting of it throughout the movie. It's just so obvious. If you watched the first 10 minutes, the thought would have certainly crossed your mind.

And again, it's just so... boring. Again, I didn't go into the theater expecting some action flick, I just wanting... SOMETHING. Like others have said, it's as if someone read Gone Girl and decided "Oh, I can be WAY more pretentious than that." It was also an incredibly lazy movie. If you timed it out, I'd bet at least 20 minutes of this 110 minute movie are in flashbacks, and as previously mentioned, the whole plot centers on the characters inability to remember. Also, the screenwriter has clearly never heard of the term "levity," because there isn't a single moment in the entire movie.

Overall, if I had to describe this movie in just one word, I would look up a thesaurus, and find the most pretentious synonym of the word "boring." Which is, imo, "Bromidic.".