Review of The Girl Next Door (2004) by Edwilled — 28 Dec 2022

It was difficult thinking of what to rate this because it's so ridiculously up and down that it's kind of nuts.

The concept is pretty original and I respect that, and it even goes against a lot of formulas of similar raunch-rom-coms. On the other hand it's really absurd - and I'm not certain if it's in the good way. The subject matter could have been handled a bit better but also way worse, I mean it treats porn stars like human beings which is a lot better than most pop culture, but still it's very much looked down on as a profession. Characters say things like "You don't want to be doing this" and "You're better than this", and the main character's first response to finding out Danielle is a porn star is breaking up with her, followed by trying to have sex with her - which to be fair is treated like a bad thing by the movie, but when he apologises he doesn't begin to go into how **** up it is. He just said he's sorry and that he freaked out, rather than "I forgot that you were a person aside your profession". The movie has an attitude of him "saving" her from being a porn star, which I think is kind of eh, which I know a lot of people will disagree with but that's just how I feel. Speaking of Danielle, she is borderline manic pixie dream girl, although she actually has an arc so I respect that.

While it does have a different formula, it has a lot of cliches, lots of public speeches directed at one person, the eye-contact-equals-full-on-love-rather-than-just-physical-attraction trope, and the "HOLY **** DUDE YOU CAN'T BE THIS STUPID AHHHH" trope. That last one isn't really a trope I just wanted to type that, I'll admit, but damn I wanted to yell at the main character so much.

This is written and directed by guys, and it's easy to tell. There are moments while watching this that makes me think "how did any of the women in this agree to sign on to this movie???", although they're far apart. While pretty much all of the jokes are either "sex equals funny haha get it" and the rest are "awkward teenager equals funny haha get it", but yet again it kind of gets a pass because that's literally the subject matter and the genre so what did you expect if not that. About 70% of the jokes miss and 30% land, although I kind of felt guilty when I laughed at them, so take that as you will.

It's kind of weird because it feels like the movie could've ended at the end of the second act 1 hour 20 mins in, but the third act comes around and not only is it thematically great but it's the best part of the movie? Man it's so weird talking about this because of how mixed I am, I know I said that already but it needs saying.

Some side notes: it reeks of 2000's, the movie loves David Gray, and it's weirdly great at paying off small lines.

In summary: I have never had more to say about a movie I've rated 3 stars, just because of how up and down it is, the highs are very high and the lows are very very low. If I saw it again I would happily do so, but be prepared for some cringey lines and scenarios sprinkled in.

Also I was going to start a counter of the amount of crimes committed by a high schooler who is giving a speech about morals, but I lost count after 5. Includes 2 counts of trespassing, 1 voyeurism, 1 public indecency, multiple assaults, and more.