Review of The Fifth Element (1997) by Jenn M — 22 Oct 2012

This was absolutely terrible and I will never date anyone that thinks otherwise. Granted, I'm not a fan of "sci-fi" and futuristic movies but come on. Started off weird enough with Mr. Luke Perry in an ancient whatever, with a priest and an archeologist and they come across some writings. I thought it was supposed to be funny, so when Luke Perry said anything, I always had to laugh because I was basically waiting for someone to get a pie in the face. I was disappointed. Anyways, large aliens a la Wall-E appear (yeah, they actually looked adorable) and leave the key to the "fifth element" with the priest who is to pass it down to future priests to keep it safe. Fast forward 500 or so years and the world is a cesspool with flying cars and weird looking clothes. Willis looks like a down and out drunk, much like in most of his films and ends up having to save the world because of some woman that falls in his lap (sound familiar? it should, thats Die Hard 1, 2 and many more) Well, every scene ends up being weird, cheesy and not even laughable because I kinda just wanted to cry and smack whoever wrote it.

I'm not necessarily looking for realism or a perfect plot or feasibility when watching a movie but this didn't make any sense to me. How was this "fifth element" made into a human form? How did she have clothes in that unit? Why, why WHY?! I couldn't get over how ridiculous that whole part of the story was. Shame on Ian Holm, he's a good actor and deserves better to be associated with this.

I'd watch Ghostbusters 2 before watching this again.