Review of The Fate of the Furious (2017) by Dell R — 27 Jan 2018

"Fate of the Furious" represents the culmination of deep intellectual interrogatories spanning millennia, the last in a long line of philosophers, scholars, artists, kings, priests, and experts of all types, all searching, questing even, for the answer to perhaps the greatest of life's imponderable mysteries:

"Whose cock is the biggest?".

The process itself, as displayed in this film, is elegantly dialectic; for, whenever a male character enters a scene, or walks into a room inhabited by another male character, pants are unzipped, eyes are locked, and tape measures unfurled with great abandon as penises are compared and measured for length, girth, tumescence and general overall magnitude. In fact, so inviolable a principle is this, that the narrative cannot proceed until it has been established that, say, the Rock's cock is larger than Jason Statham's, or that Vin Diesel's is larger than Tormund Giantsbane's.

My one critique is that "Fate" seems to represent a breakdown of the MPAA ratings; I understand the "R" rating for language, but one would have assumed that explicit gay pornography of this nature would have merited at least an NC-17.