Review of The Expendables 3 (2014) by Gundammars — 15 Aug 2014

So really quick, did you catch this in theaters or did you watch it online?

Stallone and crew (sort of) are back for Expendables 3 and the movie sucks horribly. It's a horrible action movie, it's a horrible Stallone movie, it's a horrible Expendables movie. Ask yourself, "Why do you like the Expendables?" Your answer should because it's a movie that brings together the action stars of the 80s and 90s in a explosive, action-fest we've been dreaming about. This movie throws that premise out the window quick and gives you modern action crap that's as dull and boring as modern dramas. We came to see our action favorites battle it out on screen with the bad guys, not a bunch of new nobodies no one cares about. Seriously, they toss out Stallone's team for most of the movie for the sake of introducing a load of new people you won't care about. We even get a VERY dull montage of Stallone picking up the new recruits with Kelsey Grammer's character and this is where the film dies for about 30 minutes. It was so long and boring I had trouble staying awake. We get 2 dull White guys, a girl who looks like a guy and a INCREDIBLY ANNOYING Antonio Banderas to round out the new additions. Really though, why did they make Banderas so F-ing irritating? Speaking of new additions Wesley Snipes, Mel Gibson and Harrison "I shot first!" Ford make their Expendables debut. While seeing these guys on screen for this was kinda cool they really didn't do anything, especially Ford who came off as tired and looking bored. I never expected this movie to have Oscar quality acting, but at least give a damn. The action scenes were flashy, although not interesting, seriously how come we went from the gore and guts of Expendables 1 to the no blood and knives in the back crap of Expendables 3. These movies are supposed to be love letters to the action packed movies of a begone era right? So how come they can't get the level of over the top violence right? As far as action movies go this one was bad, real bad. It's a bad action flick and it's a slap in the face to Expendables fans who like/loved the first 2 movies. If this movie were to play on TNT on a Saturday afternoon they wouldn't have to worry about editing anything out. It's that tame. Do yourself a favor and skip this one and hope the 4th one is better.