Review of The Expendables 3 (2014) by Patrick L — 22 Dec 2014

"A mindless parade of explosions, gunfire and celebrity cameos".

Movie Review: The Expendables 3.

Date Viewed: August 23 2014.

Directed By Patrick Hughes (Red Hill).

Screenplay By Creighton Rothenberger, Katrin Benedikt and Sylvester Stallone, Story By Sylvester Stallone.

Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham,.

Antonio Banderas, Jet Li, Wesley Snipes, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, Kellan Lutz,.

Kelsey Grammer, Terry Crews, Glen Powell,.

Ronda Rousey, Victor Ortiz, Robert Davi, Harrison Ford, Mel Gibson and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

"I haven't had this much fun in years!" exclaims Harrison Ford, who seemed to be glad working on "The Expendables 3", a mindless parade of explosions, repetitive violence and celebrity cameos. Sylvester Stallone and his group of aging action stars are back except for Bruce Willis, who went off to collect his paycheck elsewhere. Harrison Ford, Wesley Snipes and Antonio Banderas are among the newest recruits in the latest installment of a franchise that has run out of gas. If there is going to be an "Expendables 4", I hope Stallone doesn't drag Gene Hackman or Sean Connery out of retirement.

Stallone is of course back as Barney Ross and he and his team (Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews and Randy Couture) rescue former team member Doctor Death (Wesley Snipes) from a military prison. I'm sorry, Doctor Death? Stallone you couldn't find a better name than that? Doctor Death is somebody you would find in a horror movie, not in a action movie. Anyways, after they rescue him, they go to Somalia to stop an arms dealer from delivering bombs to a war criminal. Barney is shocked to learn that the arms dealer is Conrad Stonebanks (Mel Gibson), Stonebanks co-founded the Expendables with Barney but he later betrayed the team to profit off of illegal arms dealing.

When Hale Caesar gets severely wounded by Stonebanks, Barney disbands his team and he enlists former mercenary Bonaparte (Kelsey Grammer) to help him find some young recruits to join his team. Barney's being given a second chance by CIA handler Max Drummer (Harrison Ford) to stop Stonebanks and his old rival Trench (Arnold Schwarzenegger) comes along to help. Barney's new recruits are great athletes but they are played by terrible actors (Kellan Lutz, MMA fighter Ronda Rousey, Victor Ortiz and Glen Powell). We get a lot of gunfire and explosions in "Expendables 3" and we also get some laughably silly one-liners ("Time to mow the lawn!", "Drummer is in the house!" and "I am the Hague!").

We also get Antonio Banderas as an enthusiastic motor-mouth named Galgo who joins Barney late in the film after his young recruits get kidnapped by Stonebanks. Jet Li is also back as Yin Yang but he has less than five minutes of screen time and he has nothing to do other than throw in a couple of one-liners and carry a machine gun. Gibson is the only actor giving an actual performance here, his ruthless arms dealer runs verbal circles around Barney and his new recruits. Just like with Jet Li, Stallone's old comrades Jason Statham, Terry Crews, Dolph Lundgren and Randy Couture have little to do other than to fire off a couple one-liners, almost all of them fail to hit the bullseye.

The first two movies didn't have a point but at least they were mindless fun. The third movie directed by young Australian Patrick Hughes is as boring as watching Hulk Hogan and Toronto Mayor Rob Ford arm wrestle. "The Expendables 3" has a number of problems, shaky camerawork, choppy editing, poor pacing, repetitive action and a weak screenplay. The most surprising thing about "The Expendables 3" is that the MPAA gave it a PG-13 rating. Really? This movie has about 200 kills. The MPAA rating system today is completely out of line. Look at the cast on display here, it has Rambo, Indiana Jones, The Terminator, Blade, Desperado, Mad Max, The Transporter and even Frasier Crane. Everybody is wasted here in a movie that is mind-numbingly stupid. I believe it's time to let this franchise rest in peace.