Review of The Expendables 3 (2014) by Bill M — 28 Dec 2014

Ok we lot who grew up with 80's action movies all have to resign ourselves to the fact that the Expendables movies are really lame and kinda sad, I think my sister summed it up best when she said " old, past it Arnie and co, why would I want to see that, it's depressing, might as well watch one of their proper movies" and it really is true, between the sluggish movements of our fave action stars, the heavily toned down violence (when people get shot, very unsatisfying clouds of dust seems to pop out of them instead of geysers of blood) and truly awful looking computer effects, often used in the strangest and most distractingly pointlessly of places ( Cg parachutes, explosions, helicopters taking off and at one point an unconscious Stallone is lying in cg water, someone please tell me why?) but you take what you can get with these silly, disappointing films and despite the rubbish dialogue, awkwardly strained "humorous banter", fucking garbage script, and a whole section of the film that substitutes the main cast (Statham, Lundgren, Crews and co get benched for the whole middle of the film) for a bunch of charisma lacking, smug young douchebags (heres an idea, one of them is from Twilight) oh and also despite the fact that it's really all a bunch of badly paced aimless crap, there is still much fun to be had, mostly in the form of unpretentiously ridiculous action scenes, and the two main saving graces, Mel Gibson, playing competently against his public image here as a raving nutjob, and Antonio Bandaras, who saves the film every time he's on screen as the hilarious Galgo, providing some much needed charm and looseness amungst the now boringly stiff luggishness of the other dudes ( Stallone, though I love him, needs to change the channel a bit now, it's wearing thin) So yeah watch if you want some undemanding fun, but once again dont expect the awesome, hardcore action extravaganza we should have been getting.