Review of The Expendables 2 (2012) by Christopher S — 17 Aug 2013

"That's true. I was bitten by a copperhead snake. But after three days of pain and suffering... the snake died." -Chuck Norris.

Action movies don't really get as pure as The Expendables 2. After a truly awful first outing, audiences went into the second installment in this fledgling franchise with some reservations. Fortunately, The Expendables 2 is a gleefully violent, action-packed thrill ride that also happens to have several things that its predecessor lacked, including sharp one-liners and a coherent plot. It pays such a clearly reverent homage to the ludicrous action films of yore that it's hard not to enjoy just for its in-jokes with fans of the genre. Altogether, this is a rare kind of sequel that actually improves greatly upon its predecessor.

The Expendables 2 showcases one of the best action casts of all time, including all-time favorites like Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Willis, Statham, and Norris. Even if you don't like one or two of them (I hate Stallone and Fuck Norris), the others will definitely compensate for it. In this installment, Stallone's team of mercenaries has been sent out to retrieve a safe that was in a plane that crash-landed. In the safe are the blueprints to a mine that contains several tons of Soviet weapons-grade plutonium. As it is with most action movies of its ilk, this film's biggest flaw is its plot. But it's able to sidestep the flaws in its Plotline by simply being a shitload of fun.

The action in this movie is fittingly over-the-top, to the point of being an outright spoof on the movies it riffs on. It drops in dozens of well-placed Easter eggs for action junkies, ranging from the aforementioned Norris-ism to dialogue that quotes the hero's films from back when they were in their prime. "What are you, Rambo?" "I'm back." "Yippee-ki-yay." It's just a fun and nostalgic movie for any true action fans, and it really has something for everyone. This is just the result of five guys who are famous for being tough and blowing shit up all getting together for one fantastic ride. And it works perfectly.

However, I can't give The Expendables 2 much credit when it comes to story or plot (but there is a surprising bit of character development-- WOW). The concept of a team of guys going into the middle of nowhere to retrieve some secret CIA shit has been done to the death (The Losers, Mission: Impossible), so there's really not much new here. It plays to the strengths of its leads, including Jason Statham in full-on kung-fu mode, but that really isn't enough to forgive its self-indulgence and recycled plot points. This is basically a really, really dumb movie that manages to be very entertaining.

However, the biggest flaw in The Expendables 2 is WHY it was so entertaining. This movie brings nothing new to the table other than referencing actually GOOD action films like The Terminator and Die Hard. But all of its thrills are based purely on the goodness of those films, and it has nothing to do with the quality of this one. Sure, you can say that it's standing on the shoulders of giants, but if it didn't it would have no entertainment value whatsoever. The only reason this movie even EXISTS is because all of its stars are famous for other movies (and rightly so). But that's not the way a movie should be. What would have been TRULY awesome is if this was Die Hard VI, True Lies II, Rambo V, The Transporter IV, and The Delta Force II all rolled into one. Then shit would REALLY have gotten real, as all the best franchises and all the best heroes would be brought together at last. But the way this movie was made, it just feels like a cheap way of using the actor's previous successes as the one thing to rocket this sequel into mediocrity.

Will you have a good time while watching it? Well, if you liked any of the franchises I just listed, there can be no doubt. This is absolutely MADE for action fans, but anyone else who hasn't seen at least one Terminator movie, my advice is to stay the fuck away. You will not understand a moment of what's going on in this explosive homage if you don't at least have a working understanding of action cinema for the past thirty or so years. Is it a masterwork of action cinema? Fuck no. But when you get bored with the shitty action flicks that come out these days, and you want to see some really classic heroes onscreen once more, this is where you should turn to.

Final Score for The Expendables 2: 6/10 stars. It's not revolutionary, it's not even anything we haven't seen before, but it benefits greatly from the overall reverent vibe it gives to classic action. Maybe it's just because all the franchises that these actors made their names in have gotten increasingly crappy over the years-- the biggest letdown being A Bad Day for Die Hard-- but it was just nice for a nostalgic action junkie to see these guys in something actually good for once. It's got everything you could want: One-liners, karate, hand-to-hand combat (in a bit of a Commando rip-off), kung-fu, tanks blowing up, daring escapes via water ski, and classic shoot-from-the-hip action. It's a shitload of fun, and if you can't find enjoyment in a deliberately pulpy movie like this, you're most likely dead inside.