Review of The Da Vinci Code (2006) by Dylan D — 19 Dec 2013

Limp, lazy, and laborious, The Da Vinci Code lacks the narrative focus and proficient pacing needed to make it sing. I'm in no position to discuss the quality or faithfulness of screenwriter Akiva Goldsman's adaptation since I've never read Brown's novel, but the talents of Howard and his cast are wasted on far too many set pieces and redundant conversations to generate a compelling film. I continually had to stop and wait for Langdon to unravel mysteries I had already solved (as exciting as watching someone mull over a clue may seem, I assure you it's not). Worse still, when the intellectual A-bomb would finally catch up with me, he did so by connecting a ridiculous series of dots that no expert -- no matter their training, education, or experience -- could possibly piece together without an entire fleet of researchers nipping at his heels. It doesn't help that Neveu is essentially on hand to spit out any random question that may or may not pop into a viewer's mind. Unfortunately, this necessary expositional evil inadvertently creates a perpetually perplexed female lead; a struggling dolt limited to confused expressions and inane regurgitations of the facts.

It's a sad state of affairs when a weighty adaptation of a controversial best-seller falls decidedly short of popcorn fare like National Treasure. At least Nicholas Cage's historical romp had wit and humor on its side. Compared to a lifeless dud like The Da Vinci Code, a hidden map on the back of the Declaration of Independence is positively inspired. How ironic then that a mystery concerning the discovery of an all-important soul is so insipidly souless. Only the appearance of Sir Ian McKellen lightens the mood; his performance brings enthusiasm and exuberance to a film otherwise devoid of anything resembling either one. He seems to be the only person on set who understands that The Da Vinci Code should be every bit as rousing an adventure as a summer actioner like National Treasure. Instead, he steals scenes from Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou: two actors who've built their careers on the backs of lively, infectious characters like Forest Gump and Amélie. Even Bettany and Alfred Molina -- the proverbial wolves in the fold -- lack the passion and presence to inject any real malice into the film.

So feel free to spend your days debating Brown's intentions and the controversial symbology of the Holy Grail... it won't make The Da Vinci Code a better film. A painfully contrived story, an even weaker script, a parade of dry performances, and the most dense and unwieldy expositional dialogue you'll ever find crammed into three hours of celluloid amount to one thing: a disappointing waste of time.