Review of The Da Vinci Code (2006) by Keenan S — 19 Apr 2014

It was probably at least 7 or 8 years since I last watched this film. Back then I didn't like it. However, I recently decided to watch it again to see if perhaps I would enjoy it now since over the years I have grown to greatly appreciate films that are mostly story and dialogue. Unfortunately, it still sucks. In fact, after watching so many great story-oriented films, I think they may have made me more aware than ever of how crappy and ridiculous this dim-witted religious thriller truly is.

I remember when this film came out how much controversy it caused and it offended many Christians because of its plot involving Jesus and Mary Magdelene, killings carried out by religious officials in the film, and various other religious conflicts (Even though it has been stated that this film and the novel its based on are purely fiction and are not trying to come up with theories). Naturally, such controversy drew many people to the novel which became a hit that was inevitably turned into a major blockbuster with big name stars like Tom Hanks, Audrey Tautou, Ian McKellen, Alfred Molina, and more combined with a big name director like Ron Howard. There was a lot of hype and expectation for this kind of film, especially with the subjects it was tackling. Instead, what we got was slow, pretentious, disappointing, and flat out idiotic thriller.

The film follows two characters: Robert Langdon, a respected Harvard professor regarding religion, and Sophie Neveu, a French policewoman. While Robert is in Paris giving a lecture and promoting his works, he is called in by French police to help investigate a crime at the Louvre where a curator was murdered and has a religious symbol carved on his chest. They want to know what the symbol means as well as other bizarre aspects of the crime scene.

However, things don't seem right the moment Sophie arrives on the scene when she asks Robert to call her number to receive a message which warns him that the police think he committed the crime and that he is in danger. From then on, Robert and Sophie must team up to unravel the mystery behind the murder of the curator (Who is also the person who raised Sophie as a child and becomes an important plot element) which turns into a very confusing mystery involving everything from cover ups from the Vatican, the Knight's Templar, assassinations, Jesus, and much more.

Sadly, what should have been an interesting thriller with many intriguing elements brimming with the possibility of a brainy and complex story instead devolves into a thriller that is not only implausible and utterly ludicrous, but also one that is uninteresting and pretentious in a way that hurts because of how stupid and smug the whole film feels. It's pretty much in love with itself and leaves the audience cold and annoyed by how smart it thinks it is by trying to be as confusing and talkative as it can be as the characters pretend to know what they're talking about, and also the bizarre logic behind their solving of clues (Look at how many V-shapes are in the painting! They must have to do with women, specifically Mary Magdelene and her role in the church and how its governed! Brilliance!). Every method for how they solve their clues is convoluted and ridiculous and I could never once suspend my disbelief because of how stupid it was (Wouldn't it be easier to write down some of these clues rather than sit there for so long trying to decipher them in your head?). There were points where the film became so long-winded with its pretentious dialogue and scenes that I actually began to hear the Jeopardy theme song play in my head as I waited for something more interesting to take place.

It also doesn't help that the acting in this film is rather bland and uninteresting. Tom Hanks delivers one of the worst performances of his career, which is quite a shame as he is a very good actor when handed good material. It seemed like he was trying to do something with his character, but the bland script and barely two-dimensional development of his character certainly doesn't help matters. I was also quite disappointed with Audrey Tautou's performance. I remember when I watched the superb Amelie and how electric and stunning of a performance she gave in that film, to the point of where she reminded me a great deal of the late great Audrey Hepburn in terms of acting quality because she was so damn good in that film (And I would not make such a huge comparison lightly. She really was that good). Here, however, instead of being given a well developed and interesting character, she is instead stuffed into a dry husk of a character, giving her no room to show off her acting capabilities or do anything altogether. The other actors don't fare any better either because they are also cursed with such bland characters, except perhaps Paul Bettany's character. Surprisingly, Bettany manages to deliver a solid performance and his character is by far the most interesting of the bunch.

Not only does the film feature a silly and uninteresting story, but even when chase scenes and scenes that are supposed to suspenseful occurred, I was bored and never really thrilled by any of these scenes (You'd think Ron Howard would do a good job with car chases, as he did an excellent job with the racing film Rush, but apparently not). Much like the acting, such scenes have a joyless and detached feeling to them.

With a hokey plot featuring one of the dumbest plot twists in the history of cinema (A plot twist so stupid, even M. Night Shyamalan would frown upon using it), boring acting, boring dialogue, boring chase scenes, pitiful suspense scenes, and a very smug feeling to it, The Da Vinci Code falls flat on its ass. It's certainly not an intelligent thriller, but it also isn't even a fun - albeit implausible - thriller. It's a dull and joyless affair that thinks its smart, when in reality, it's dumber than the average thriller and it has nothing insightful to say about religion or any subject it tackles. It's a very disappointing film that should have been much better than how it turned out.