Review of The Croods (2013) by Llamayarmybar — 30 Sep 2016

"The croods," or is like to call, "Ice Age The Great caveman adventure," is a film made for children and brain dead parents who either are religious and don't seem to find this film offensive, or aren't and are just plain brain dead to begin with.

If you, like me saw the trailer for this film, you might have actually thought that this was Dreamworks making another terrible sequel to the Ice Age series of films, however I was pleasantly surprised after watching the full film from start to finish.

I thought, "Wow, its hard to believe a bunch of morons at Dreamworks thought this garbage would actually sell with Nicholas Cage attached to it." He's the worst thing in it, he's the worst character, he's the worst voice actor, and he's a detriment to the movie as a whole.

Honestly remove his character and take away the dialogue from the majority of the film? This would've been great, but yet again its another imaginative film for children that can't even treat its audience like children.

It spells everything out, it has no mystery, it lacks any charm it COULD have provided ultimately. My biggest issue here though, is the plot is really thin without the inclusion of "Guys" character.

I mean it could've just gone nowhere entirely, but thank goodness they just so HAPPEN to meet another character that just so happens to MOVE the plot along otherwise they would've all died in the cave after the first earthquake I guess.

"Eep" is great, voice work is solid here, but her expressions, character design and general animation are what make her a good character. Everyone else feels kind of cookie cutter in comparison, aside from "Guy" of course.

Its obvious that its suggesting romance between Neanderthals and Homo sapiens, which is a cute thought, but these two species would've likely attacked and killed eachother on sight as well. Just a little bit of scientific knowledge to thrown for good measure, since their is absolutely none of it in this film.

Turtles with wings, giant walking land whales, flying piranha birds, strange amalgamations of animals that could've never existed- you name it. They're all over this movie. Part of me likes to indulge that kind of imagination and I could see a child being interested in such things, but another part of me is literally shouting internally things like, "This is completely wrong and makes no sense.

" All in all, if you edited Nicholas Cage and his character out of the movie, fleshed out the family more and make a better motivation for why Guy and Eep even met up to begin with, it could've been a pretty stellar movie.

Like maybe an arranged marriage or peace treaty between a Neanderthal and Homo Sapien family or tribe perhaps. Its funny that when I think about when early Homosapiens wandering the Earth that even I could write a better plot about them going on an adventure.

Dreamworks- nice try in attempting to catch lightning in a bottle twice (we know you can't by now). Turn down the trippy ridiculous Pandora environments and maybe try writing a film that appeals to adults next time.