Review of The Cremators (1972) by Vincent P — 01 Nov 2009

After watching The Cremators, you're left wondering why a movie like this gets a DVD release, while thousands of lost gems continue to go unknown without any kind of DVD presentation. I do have to give it to The Cremators for managing to make me laugh something fierce.

Honestly, one of the best unintentional comedies ever filmed. The story concerns an ancient killer that walks among us, killing those who somehow ignite strange stones that are connected to this maniac.

Using nice hints of the slasher genre, the kill in Cremators stalks the victims out in the open in plain sight (almost damn near right in front of them in fact), but the victim never sees the killer coming until its too late.

Ok, sounds great, Jason, but what's so funny about this movie? Oh nothing...except for the fact that the killer is a GIANT FIREBALL!!! Yes, a giant fireball stalks its victims throughout the film.

You get to see through the fireball's eyes as he stares his victims down who have no idea a flaming fireball is literally right next to them. And where does this monster fireball hide from the world? Underwater.

Yes, the fireball rises from underwater to roll around humorously at screaming victims. Ladies and gentlemen, this movie is ridiculous. It screams Mystery Science Theater 3000. Good for a rental if everyone wants to do nothing but drink booze and laugh at something.

The most interesting thing about this was cult crap director Fred Olen Ray's introduction (since his company distributed this god awful movie) who discusses the allure of old school drive in theaters (while showing some random titties).

Overall, The Cremators needs to be cremated.