Review of The Core (2003) by Makanaaloha P — 21 Feb 2010

The Core is so bad that I'm giving it five stars. Why? Because The Core is a different type of bad movie. It's fashioned out of its plot. What does that mean? It means that just like the earth has many different layers before you get to the core, this film has so many different layers of terriblness before you get to the epic core of one of the worst.

..most rotten...most...god awful things man has ever invented. Giving this film five stars pretty much sums up this film-why? Let me elaborate. The story is about the core of the earth. It stops. Oh no! Who do we elect to go to the earth's core and give it a nuclear one, two punch and say get back to work bitch! Two Face and his rag tag crew of that black guy who's in a lot of things but you can never remember his name; that woman who looks like a guy, even played a guy once, but some people say she's hot; a French dude; D.

J. Qualls!-the computer geek who can hack the world and whistle into cell phones so that they provide free long distance...fo life bitch!; Bruce Greenwood; and an annoying ass hole scientist who's super famous and you should know him because he's so famous but no one seems too plus he's about as smart as the kid who eats crayons at the back of class and while you say retarded the teachers say special and gifted.

Jesus...where to start. The film begins with a terrible cg opening and then cuts to three actors who do a fist bump before going into a business meeting only to have a guy kick off a bunch of random deaths all around the city.

Two Face is called in and asked why everyone died and what is to become an overused gimmick, he only needs 60 seconds or less to solve any science related mystery. Everyone who died, all 60-100 of them, I forget, had pacemakers.

It must be the core! Everyone laughs at Two Face. In London, birds die and it causes chaos because they drop right out of the sky and or attack everyone in sight. This scene would make Hitchcock cry. Again Two Face cries out The Core! and then people start listening.

Pretty soon, a rag tag group of people who can't get along but can in some fashion or other and will soon learn to overcome their differences get together, build a rocket ship that will dive into the earth instead of away from it using unobtainium.

Let me just...there is no way I'm going to be able to describe to you all of the atrocities that this film commits. So I will leave you with this. The drive through the center of the earth...you'd think they'd render dirt and shit around the vehicle.

..nope. It literally looks like they're driving through brown space. There is nothing that is around the vehicle...that's how bad the cgi is. You even get camera angles from it. Enjoy this film.

..it's a rare piece of shit that's so..well...shitty that it's that awesome.