Review of The Conjuring 2 (2016) by Lxquickjustice — 03 Dec 2016

Lame... LAME. LAME. LAME. LAME. LAME - OVER HYPED ED AND LORRAIN HYPE TRAIN, LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME! Apparently James Wan is the new M Night Shyamalan, because whatever the critics say... IT'S TERRIBLE.

.. I mean, just... WOW... The people who liked it must be brain dead. I WANT scary movies to frighten me, but this thing just couldn't do it, not once, even for a single second. Ed and Lorraine are obviously con artists, preying upon people stupid enough to believe in their BS, and Hollywood just slapped their label on this trite to fool audiences into thinking what they just watched was actually somehow frightening.

I mean, it practically went down the list of every single lame thing it could do and just checked them off... Jump scares, bizarre dialogue, seeing the monster too much, evil possessed voice coming from a little girl.

.. UGH... The people rating this crap higher than 4 out of 10 must be absolutely DESPERATE for a new horror movie fix, and believe me, it won't hit the spot. It might be the least scariest horror movie I have ever seen.

I never could see why people thought The Conjuring was scary, but tried to give its sequel a shot, since it has been hyped so much, but NOPE, it was just as bad as the garbage that spawned it! There were about 15 scenes of Ed and Lorraine just standing around having random conversations.

Ed even sings an entire Elvis Presley song, because... scary? I think it was Wan's attempt to humanize the con man with his con woman companion, but it was absolutely pointless... like watching this movie.